Friday, July 06, 2007

sum n saf -- divinely inspired

Our arms might be short, but Sum-n-Saf will talk about God--or, God's creations. After satisfying Sum's negroid desire for yardbird, and Tummy's (Saf's unborn "seed") yearning for waffle fries at the Beachwood Mall Chick-Fil-A, the illest dynamic duo since Amos and Andy (fuck what ya heard, Rob and Big) came up with this divinely inspired list. Maegs might not be Catholic anymore, but we're pretty sure witnessing us comprise this sent her straight to confession. Rumor has it she's still saying Hail Mary. (Come with me!!!!)

Sum-n-Saf Present:

God’s Biggest Hits

Chicken – for its versatility

Pussy – for its reliability

Satan – 'cause MFs fuck with him hard

Oprah – 'cause when an ugly black girl from Mississippi
born in abject poverty comes out like her, God is Good
(all the time)

White women – unless you’re OJ

Marijuana – perhaps the biggest hit (haha)

Miscegenation (at least I’m glad my Africa got diluted
out this bitch)

The Bible (bigger than “Thriller”)

Cockroaches (engineered to last)

(That's 9 hits. What a divine number, nigga.)

God’s Biggest Flops

Dinosaurs – 'cause where are those niggas?

The o-zone layer – 'cause if anything needed to be
tamper-free …

Menopause, vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, and
premature ejaculation – none of that shit is raw. Well, I guess some of it is. (Hint: vaginal dryness)

The Ten Commandments – Name 7 out of 10, and we'll give you a dollar.

Native Americans and their comrades, the buffalo – need we explain this?

Africa – ibid.

The ability (of most people) to procreate – 'cause some niggas just shouldn't be allowed to reproduce.

(That's 7 flops, 'cause that's how many "days" it took the big G to make this world we're destroying. And we're doing a big bang up job of it, too.)

Until next time, this has been the Sum-n-Saf Half.


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Hmmm Ladies why did u leave PMS out of the flops, I remember now that the Mrs. is in the menopausal stage of life the hell that PMS put the family through especially when both mother and daughter had it a week apart. I know I am a man but damn PMS makes it hard to be good

7/7/07 13:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I personally left PMS off because I think that every man needs a good tongue lashing, night on the sofa, and/or stabbing to keep him in check.

23/7/07 04:30  

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