Thursday, March 29, 2007

sum-n-saf half - black star line edition




oh yes, kids, sum-n-saf are back like a bad case of genital warts. (you can't freeze us off, suckas!) if our previous ignorant yet intelligent irreverence wasn't enough to hold you down, we got another list for that ass. this time, we yet again pummel headwraps and wrapper sympathizers with a list of why neither one of us is going back to africa. please note: we're spitting dy-lan-like venom (comma) yo. saf's hormones are all out of wack, and sum, well, sum is just empathizing with saf.

nigga, it's hot.

who wants to mine for their own diamonds?

i doubt i can throw some d's on an elephant, camel, or giraffe.

too old to get into the oprah winfrey leadership academy.

if i wanna catch the hiv, i'll just go to baltimore.

i like my white oppression in house...or i want white only oppression.

nigga, for real…it's like, equatorial hot, not just down south, family reunion hot…

i take enough intra-racial bullshit off american blacks as it is ("you're just a jigaboo, tryin' to find somethin' to do…")

i don't even like the beach, nigga, so the fuck am i going to do with a desert?

monkeys like to hurl their shit at niggas, and i just paid $40 for this touch-up.

if i want a sankofa experience, i'll just go back to the mcdonald's in my old neighborhood and ask for my high school job back.

the only thing worse than a nigga with a gun is a starving nigga with a gun.

i don't have to have my meals life-flighted in the us.

malaria may be manageable nowadays, but it still ain't no hoe.

i have to imagine that a bunch of women that haven't had a clitoral orgasm in, i don't know, their entire life are not going to be the friendliest bunch of beyotches you'll ever meet.

honestly, i don't even really fuck with niggas all like that.

i ain't dancing around topless for anybody unless they got some dollars for that ass.

i don't care what anybody says – gnu meat does NOT taste like chicken.

no, seriously, nigga. it's hot. like wear a fig-leaf hot. not just martin luther king fan hot.

if i gotta choose between meeting bono in person, or having that nigga's ipod, i'ma go with the ipod. call me limewi(red).

nigga, i saw the last king of scotland, and the only bitch worth fuckin' was kerry washington--an american negress. you can say it's self-hatred. i call it a sincere appreciation for the miscegenation that has created the western aesthetic.

listen, i love lionel richie as much as anyone (the nigga had hits), but for memyselfpersonally, i don't ever wanna be a part of nothing that prompts niggas to get together and make a tribute album. not voluntarily, at least.

you call it a famine, i call it compulsory anorexia. tomato...tomahto.

true story: at heathrow airport this nigerian chick got stopped by the dogs because of some food she had in her luggage. now, if this dog is trained to sniff out (force) wmd's, and he stopped her, what the fuck am i s'posed to eat?

let me reiterate, i don't fuck with niggas like that.

my mom's dog's name is nala, what else do i need to do to prove my authenticity? get james earl jones to read me segments of roots as a bedtime story?

more sum-n-saf madness:
take 1
take 2
take 3
take 4


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

8 Comments:

Blogger Carmen said...

Dear Summer M.,

I am contacting you regarding a blog survey I am conducting. I am a Ph.D. candidate in Mass Communication at Penn State and my dissertation project consists of a survey that looks at bloggers’ perceived motivations for and effects of their blogging.

I am sending the survey to a number of bloggers, and I would like to invite you to participate in it as well. Participation should take approximately 15 minutes of your time. I would appreciate it tremendously if you would be willing to take the survey. If you decide to do so, please follow the link below:

http://www.personal.psu.edu/cds205/blog/signin.htm

I would be very happy to share the findings of my study with you once it is completed!

If you have any questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to contact me!

Thank you in advance,

Carmen

31/3/07 21:29  
Blogger Jdid said...

still crazy i see these are my favorites.

i doubt i can throw some d's on an elephant, camel, or giraffe.

i have to imagine that a bunch of women that haven't had a clitoral orgasm in, i don't know, their entire life are not going to be the friendliest bunch of beyotches you'll ever meet.

1/4/07 22:17  
Blogger Spook said...

Yo Auntie Ruckus

Congratulations yo! You found a subject that You, David Duke, self hating Black Third graders in the hood can all agree on! How savage and backward ass Africa and its people are. News flash, it’s a lot more complicated than that and I said that even before I visited the home land. And had a great time!

Why are we the only people (and white people of course) that make so much fun of Africa? Ya Never here Irish dissing Ireland, Italians dissing Italy Puertoricans dissing Puertorico! Even Mexicans, as much as they be trying to get the hell out, aint dissing Mexico. I mean look at all them parades, the above have and be celebrating they heritage for weeks! Most Negros never even been to the Bud Biliken Parade- all we got and named after an imaginary saint of news papers boys, how jankety is that!- let along cruise down the street with the “African Unity Flag” blowing car horns. But when it comes to dissing Africa and making fun of Africans, saying why they got them bones in they noises, etc, etc, etc, we be elbowing the Klux Klux Klan out the way to be the first at the microphone. Yea they got some problems, but lets look at them interms of colonialism.

Damn, yea I know I make fun of some stuff connected to the “experience” but at least I try to operate outside the self hate paradigm. And no I aint carrying my proud African-Black –American ass back there other than for a vacation when I can rub two dollars together, but hell who knows, at the way this country is going down the drain I might check out some property in Mali just in case

spook

4/4/07 15:12  
Blogger summer m. said...

@spook: pump. your. brakes. coming for sum-n-saf would be like bringing a knife to a gun fight. we're gonna give you a pass--this time. judging from your comment, i got blue chips that say you missed our black star line boat.

i hope you were being sarcastic, ironic, etc. name-calling is so unattractive, by the way. and i'd take auntie remus over ruckus any day.

thanx for reading,
the management.

p.s. unlike ireland, italy, puerto rico, and mexico, africa is a continent--not a country. but i'm sure you knew that when you made the analogy.

4/4/07 15:28  
Blogger Safire said...

From: Saf

To: Spook

First, the post is meant to poke fun at niggas that believe that they will discover some profound truth about themselves just by breathing the air of a land that they never touched down on before; just by standing on the damn soil.

Second, it's jokes. Pull the fucking self righteous, puritanical stick out of your insecure ass. White people (and best believe that your view of us comes out of your co-opted white gaze) do not need any permission - implicit or explicit - to joke us. We can take ourselves as seriously as death, and they're going to joke us regardless.

Third, there are two words that should always be kept in mind when reading our shit. Look them up before you call yourself chastising us again. "Satire" and "irony." Those are the keys. Cuz don't nobody (yeah, I said that shit) love niggas more than we love niggas. That's why we do what we do.

And last, certainly not least, if you're not willing to saddle up and ride out...If you won't go there to know there... then get off your high horse. Like you said, Africa has its problems. And I'm not trying to make light of them as much as I am trying to point out to nigs... Shit is rough for niggas everywhere. Why not invest your hopes and dreams in home?

4/4/07 20:32  
Blogger Spook said...

Summer M...no wonder is so *&&^ cold outside!

Damn yo seems like you “give” Africa, much better than you get!
A wise scholar from Baltimore, O’mar once said “it’s all in the game yo, all in the game” and as Brotha Dr. C West would say any thing I say is said outta love,” Unless yo name is Bill Cosby. But for some reason you looking at me all hard, as if I did any thing different than you! or stepted on yo new Nike Airs


“Name-calling is so unattractive, by the way. And I’d take auntie remus over ruckus any day.”


First of all, that’s Uncle Ruckus, thank you, and the fact that you would be Remus over Ruckus is on you, or perhaps points to some insecurity? Course the white Ruckus was pretty discusting.

Personally, besides for the Blind Nigga Samurai,Uncle Ruckus is my favorite character. I call a lot of niggas Uncle Ruckus and have been called Uncle Ruckus by alot of niggas and don’t get me singing that song made famous by Uncle Ruckus in the first episode called “Don’t Trust them New Niggas over Yonder”

But I’m gone give you a pass this time, cause at least you aint telling me not to use the N word like that Pimp named Slick Back, I mean that Pimp named Jesse Jackson


keep up the good work!




Yo Aunt Esther, I mean Saphire!

Damn I didn’t know they was still whupping Niggas!

First, my post is meant to poke fun at niggas poking fun of Africa! Is ya Hypocrite?

“We can take ourselves as seriously as death, and they're going to joke us regardless.”

But certain people can’t laugh when niggas joke about them for joke’n about Africa?

"Third, there are two words that should always be kept in mind when reading our shit. Look them up before you call yourself chastising us again. "Satire" and "irony." Those are the keys. Cuz don't nobody (yeah, I said that shit) love niggas more than we love niggas. That's why we do what we do."


Think this is the first time I read this blog? How you think I'm learning to spell them big words? And when is the last time you had chitlins? Be honest! So don’t even try to out Black me keddddd, not that I’m gone try to out Black you, but don’t try to out Black me cause I’m Too Black!

"And last, certainly not least, if you're not willing to saddle up and ride out...If you won't go there to know there... then get off your high horse. I am trying to point out to nigs... Shit is rough for niggas everywhere. Why not invest your hopes and dreams in home?"


Cause they some foolish ass niggas is why, "broke down and depleted like Afghanistan"- D.C. which is why African’s don’t want them Niggas over yonder in the first place, Now let me get back to drinking cheap beer and trying to find free movies on youtube…..cause that’s how I rolll

Keep hope alive!

5/4/07 00:06  
Blogger Safire said...

Spook, sweetie...

That's S-A-F-I-R-E

And if your post was meant as a joke, cool, cool... I can certainly take as well as I dish out...

But we get so many Negroes In Good Graces And Standing (NIGGAS) trying to chastise us for our unique brand of humor that we're always on guard...never sure...

5/4/07 20:40  
Blogger Spook said...

Come on now, my post was just as much as a "joke" as yours is, i.e. 50% real, 50% joke,(like that fool half a dollar,or two quarters aka Fiddy In other words I'm Just like you man, I mean I got the shot gun, you got brief case, but its all in the game though right?" Alright I will stop biteing off The Wire

But rest assured, I aint gone be running up on yall Niggas like that. My Good Graces And Standing
has been revoked long time ago. And if you yall at the club, don't worry I aint got no crew and they don't pay me enough for no body guards

10/4/07 22:49  

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