the sum-n-saf half take 3: how to speak sumfire


since the first two entries of the sun-n-saf half have been such a hit, we've decided to keep it coming. not that we would've stopped if you didn't like it. at this point it should be obvious how live we think we are. but we digress. anyway, understanding that spending mad time together often means you say things other folks don't understand, we decided to come up with a working dictionary so that you, dear readers, can maybe understand half the shit we say. but mostly, we wanted to make it public that we (meaning saf) came up with this shit first. yeah, because we're live like that.

(comma) yo. simply: the articulation of the grammatical punctuation between what you've just said, and the slang term "yo" used to replace the actual name of the person you're addressing. so instead of just pausing (or not) when saying, "what's up, yo?" you actually say "comma". dreamt up: stuck in chicago rush hour traffic during a the first leg of a road trip.

personality chick. another one of saf's genius phrases. a personality chick was defined with this here blog entry. it sounds shallow, we know, but you just gotta think a little harder. see, we understand that being good lookin' (that is, a pleasing object for the male gaze to dwell upon), often affords you certain shit (like academy awards, halle). sometimes, however, it precludes you from developing a full personality. you know, one that comes with a sense of humor and a knack for blogging. those of us whose personalities weren't stifled because we weren't "lookers," if you will, are what you might call personality chicks. someone who got attention (if any) on some intangible shit. a female whose ass might not cause heads to turn (though sum's junk has caused a few jaws to drop), but her ability to say more than 10 words without giggling at the end might. yeah. we know it's problematic. but we like problematic. can't you tell? dreamt up: during a phone conversation.

j.a.m.: acronym for jesus ass muthafucka. you know, folks with blessd1 as vanity plates. now, we ain't saying there's anything wrong with loving the lord. just please stop trying to sneak up and sprinkle us with the blood of jesus. (saying jam is often followed by singing guy's "teddy's jam" and/or michael jackson's "jam") dreamt up: at a rest stop somewhere in northern ohio.

hilary banks syndrome. a white-identified black woman. confused? she's the only black member of tri-delta. dreamt up: walking north on broadway on the way to the uptown lounge.

huey newton complex. suffered by (super) light skinned black dudes that are on their pro black kind of hard. you know, like over compensation for lack of melanin and shit. they're pretty easy to spot. ex. they greet you with the black power salute instead of a good ole american handshake. yeah, shit like that.

aunt jemima theory. an upcoming blog entry that will change the way we look at oprah...not really. dreamt up: on the way to midway airport.

"the" ______ (i.e. gay, yoga, pilates). we don't know why we (mostly summer) does this. it seems to, however, make whatever you're saying funny. doubts? try to say the pilates (pronounced: pill la tays in this case) without giggling. dreamt up: who knows?

that agrestic/medicinals/ j&^%. our euphemisms for marijuana. in honor of the tv show weeds, and summer m.'s first weed man. always smoked with saf's pretty blue peace pipe. dreamt up: prolly high.

the nigga_____ (insert name). this is pretty much self explanatory. let's review, "if you listen to what the nigga shuggie otis is saying, it's mad obvious that he was smoking that agrestic when he wrote "strawberry letter 23" (comma) yo." dreamt up: prolly while high.

____, nigga, ____ (insert expletive of your choice). something to express your exasperation. por ejemplo, "shit, nigga, shit!!!!" dreamt up: prolly stolen from chappelle.

nouning verbs. self explanatory. ex: the "whorification" of black femininity is the cultural phenomenon that led to bullshit like "BET Uncut" dreamt up: prolly saf.

verbing nouns. ditto. ex: to "Boyz-II-Men" a girl, versus "Jodeci-ing" her, which is what most girls would prefer. dreamt up: prolly saf.

race center nig. basically the black folk who frequent your favorite white institution's black cultural center's events and such. saf and sum are an embarrassment to this kind. dreamt up: in the car.

johnny five(d). to have so many thoughts that you are either a) speechless, and/or b) having paroxysms of crazy talk. dreamt up: while trying to think of a euphemism for "bugged the fuck out," and simultaneously perusing imdb.com

keep it california. to be nice like the people of the bay. no hostility, just being you b/c you ain't got shit to prove to nobody. dreamt up: while riding the bus high.

keep it funky, jo jo. keep it real. dreamt up: while discussing the greatness that is the reality tv show, run's house.

urban contemporary or UC. a more accurate replacement for the misused, polemically (and politically) depleted term "ghetto". dreamt up: during the tricia rose talk.

also, sum-n-saf are working on mottos, er, taglines. whatever. we've come up with the following. (feel free to vote for your favorite, but we'll prolly use them all.)

sum-n-saf: look ma! no weave.
sum-n-saf: when's the last time you saw two black chicks together without a rapper in between them?
sum-n-saf: no talk show...no video ho...somewhere in the middle
sum-n-saf: still rollin' in the back of the bus like 1955
sum-n-saf: the colored section never looked so fun
sum-n-saf: like minstrelsy...but not really.
sum-n-saf: uncut like b.e.t., purified d, and "natural" dicks (if you know what i'm saying)

sum-n-saf: the postmodern equivalent of amos-n-andy