Monday, November 21, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

giving thanx.

oh, it's that time of year again. the leaves are changing, it's colder than a muthafucka outside, all the college kids are suicidal because finals week soon come, and we recall white man and red man breaking bread together, briefly forgetting the continual and perpetual effort to drive out, exploit, and annilihate the latter race. (anyone in the mood to watch disney's pocohantas? have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?) oh yes, it is time to give thanks yet again, smash out (shout out saf) on some turkey, dressing, and, if it's your steez, some (keep it) funky (jo jo) chitt'lins.

in honor of the thanksgiving holiday, fecundmellow hit the streets hunting down various celebs and personalities to ask what they are thankful for this year. unfortunately, i had to interview these folks myself.**

fecundmellow: _____, what/who are you giving thanks for this november?

tom cruise and katie holmes: *in unison* we're thankful for sperm donors.

oprah winfrey: i am thankful for the fact that i was able to lose and maintain my weight, yet keep the bosom on which my dedicated fans rest upon and suckle in tact.

robert "kels" kelly: i'm thankful legal terms such as "with all deliberate speed," are applicable to more than skool desegregation...and michael jackson. i'm definitely thankful for michael jackson.

kanye west: i'm thankful for 50 cent.

diddy: i'm thankful for proactiv solution. it moisturizes the situation and preserves my sexy.
fecundmellow: can you lift your bottom lip so that it touches your top one maybe?
diddy: takethattakethattakethat.

dub-ya: i only give thanks if condi is willing to take it if you know what i mean. *laughs*. i'm thankful that these democrats are some mark ass bitches. nigga, what!?!?

osama bin laden: i'm thankful for the war in iraq.

star jones: are you gonna eat that?[...] no? then i give thanks.

terry mcmillan
: i'm thankful for cheek implants.
fecundmellow: that's face, not ass, right playa?

mayor ray nagin: have you seen new orleans lately, muthafucka?
fecundmellow: why, no sir, i haven't.
mayor ray nagin: *stares*
fecundmellow: i see your point. moving on.

black people: we're thankful mcrib is back at mcdonald's!!!! (seriously, black folk, what's up with the love for mcrib (comma) yo?)

hey, man. it's week 9. i never promised these things would be funny.

**where in the hell is harold gibson? i need a new (unpaid, allegedly sexually harrassed) intern!!!! submit all applications via the comments section. single lesbians of color encouraged to apply. (also, if your name is anita and/or hill, don't bother to apply.) thank you, the management.

it's a short week,
tuesday: star jones
wednesday: i reveal my love. (heads up: this one's a two-parter.)

coming soon: what's that? a year of start a rumor monday? say it ain't so.

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger mwilli said...

you forgot to include your interview with foxy brown. damn that's cold. i'm going to straight hell (no pun intended).

21/11/05 23:29  
Blogger Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

naw girl, you still funny..LOLOL...good way to end the night!

"star jones: are you gonna eat that?[...] no? then i give thanks."
---that made me fall out of my chair...seriously

ummmmm, er, i'll be back wednesday

22/11/05 01:26  
Anonymous studpoet said...

lol mcrib nigga what?!


p.s. also did you know that according to campus christ ministries Thanksgiving (the day we celebrate the genocide of millions of native americans) is the only TRUE Christian Holiday?

yay! Jesus did it for the girls (and the stuffing)! whoo-hoo!

22/11/05 10:36  
Blogger a. said...

Um...Oprah's barely hanging on these days...have you seen the show lately? It seemed like most of the gifts on the "my favorite things" episode were food.

Do you remember the puppet/marionette Madam? That's Terry McMillan.

22/11/05 18:43  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Damn cant a brotha take a rest and not lose his unpaid, gig. Why don't you just tell them the truth. You are wearing a brotha out. I'm gonna file charges just you wait and see.

22/11/05 23:32  
Blogger Jdid said...

what a year o start the rumor? thats wicked
oh and this one was nice, have a happy thanksgiving

23/11/05 07:17  
Blogger Amadeo said...

I'm going to be stuck on "preserve my sexy" well into 2006.

23/11/05 10:27  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i truly love "moisturize the situation." you are f-in bril.


23/11/05 13:10  

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