beautiful strange, or i don't hate the south

things i learned during my visit below the mason-dixon:

• nigga, it's hot.
• the heat makes niggas overcompensate with the air conditioning. (seriously, i don't get that shit. just because it's 95 outside doesn't mean it should be 59 inside.)
  
• these carolina cats really fuck with nascar. so much so that many of them play jeff gordon while rolling down the highway.
• while i'm speaking of southerners and cars, nc, sc, and ga are all great states for the license plate game. if you don't know about the license plate game, well, it doesn't really matter. it's a bad game, and only real masochists should play.
  
• meeting people you only know via myspace--or the internet in general-- can be scary, and hard to get used to, even if you've already done it a few times. that said, lisa is the illest (good [country] people, maybe?)...and she looks just like her myspace picture.
  
• while i'm at it, if you see someone you think you've seen on myspace, do you start a conversation? and if so, how? "i think i've seen you on myspace," is really unoriginal.
  
• oh yeah, nobody asks for your number anymore. they just want your myspace url.
• also, if someone asks if you're on myspace, and you say,"what's myspace?" you should prolly immediately follow that retort with "i'm kidding." otherwise, they don't immediately think you're joking.
  
• wearing shirts with slogans, etc. on them (e.g. "haikus are easy...") is a great euphemism for "i'm too shy to talk."
  
• weed works similarly.
• atlanta is so black, they have a news anchor named jaquita.
  
• though i felt like i might be having a heart attack after dining there, the waffle house is really good.
• one need not stop at every chick-fil-a she sees.
• the dairy queens down here really need to up their blizzard game.
• the niggas at the charlotte airport security check should really warn you about those "bursts" of air.
• no matter where i visit, social interaction on any level always results in me having an internal rumination that results in abject humiliation.