Monday, January 03, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

u(r)sher says, 'like mike...if i could be like mike.'

3.january.2005--usher, r&b's biggest star in 2004 admits that he's a beat biter and dope style taker. "this is my confession," he says, "i want to be michael jackson."

at first glance, one would think usher was trying to be a chocolate justin timberlake. like jt, usher's first single was a club banger produced by the hottest (southern) producer at the time. both follow-up singles were ballads scarily reflecting the crooners' love life and recent break up with "singers" (that term used quite loosely for both britney spears and tlc's rozonda "chili" thomas) with celebrity status on the decline.

but unlike timberlake, who seemed to step back from the public eye before he got too overexposed, usher seems to be telling the public that he's gonna keep on (don't stop til you get enough). the hardest working man in show business had a big year in '04 releasing both confessions and a remix album. to put him over the top, the grammy-nominated usher released a video that aired in its entirety on new year's eve a la michael jackson. unlike the gloved one, however, usher had to make sure the video debuted during an actual event. the world premiere of jackson's videos were events in and of themselves.

"i'm steadily working my way up to where mike was in his prime by literally copying his every move," usher comments. "look. he moonwalks, i glide. he has 'the way you make me feel' i have 'you remind me.' he had 'human nature' i have 'confessions'. he had 'i just can't stop loving you' with siedah garret. i have 'my boo' with alicia keys. he took brooke shields out, i rocked naomi campbell on my arm." he finally added with a chuckle, "can't nobody tell me that my video that premiered (this past) new year's eve didn't remind you of a less impressive and cheaper version of 'smooth criminal.' i am (the next) michael jackson."

when asked if he planned any major face altering plastic surgeries in the near future, usher replied quickly with a simple no. he did add, however, "i tell you one thing. though i probably should, i'm not having my nose done. but my teeth will get whiter and whiter, and i promise you now that these waves in my head will inevitably only be rivaled by those that hit the shores of southern asia during the tsunami."

good to know, usher. good to know.

(i made this up, silly.)

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The New York Post should give you a column on Page Six where you get to do this shit for the masses. Because the "start a rumor" joints are hilarious. And this one is particularly merciless. I love it!

4/1/05 09:17  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

Ya'll just keep on hating on poor Usher... I'm a devoted fan and I can't help it.... okay, so this was funny as hell, I'll admit it...

4/1/05 11:06  
Blogger nahmix said...

in addition to needing to be more public about your get the award for best musical selectiona in a blog! why you do me like this with the pharcyde?

5/1/05 13:12  
Blogger summer m. said...

i need to be more public about my shit?

that pharcyde is dope, right? go ahead and dance in your cubicle.

5/1/05 13:16  
Blogger nahmix said... need a column, your stuff is on point and funny as hell! don't word I keep the sound muted on my pc, but when I saw the pharcyde across the top...I changed that rreal quick!

5/1/05 20:25  

Post a Comment

<< Home