Sunday, September 18, 2005

oprah's legends lunch: a photographic retrospective.

for my coup d'etat--otherwise known as the final nail in my own coffin, for i have committed career suicide (though i've yet to begin a career) by ripping on oprah for 5 straight entries--i present to you: photos from the legends weekend. i, of course, have provided my own captions. (usually i leave this up to my girl, saf, but i tried my best.)

tina turner and oprah congratulate halle berry after she tells them she finally finished reading their eyes were watching god.

mariah shields her skin from the sun (don't wanna get too dark!) as debbie allen takes her fashion cues from pepto bismol.

della reese, patti labelle, and ruby dee collectively look to the judges before awarding gayle king a hug. the judges did rule in king's favor. apparently being oprah's lover best friend is accomplishment enough to be deemed a "young'n".

singer-songwriter valerie simpson shows gratification after it's finally made clear that ashford and simpson's hit, "solid as a rock," had nothing to do with the spread of crack in the 1980s.

oprah sheds a tear as someone reads the reviews of their eyes were watching god.

natalie cole to mariah, "i know honey, both black and white, yet neither. i just finished talking to halle berry."

phylicia rashad looks at kimberly elise bewildered after elise calls her claire and goes on and on at how much olivia has grown since she last saw her on the cosby show. keys later correctly identified herself. elise apparently wasn't listening because she later asked keys what it felt like to turn her psychic abilities into a disney channel hit show.

apparently using, "i know why the caged bird sings,"as a punchline still gets a bunch of laughs in this set. no one knows, however, why maya angelou has on sunglasses in the house.

janet jackson gives della reese her plastic surgeon's contact info, "he's wonderful, dahling."

this just in: even at 66, tina turner still buys the best hair.

pearl cleage leads the call and response portion of the program. halle gives angela the catwoman stare, "i can't believe that bitch said i won an oscar for playing a ho," she would later tell a close friend.

the best way to honor black women: invite spike lee to your party.

"you know, sidney pwaaaaahhhhhtier, had i not been busy playing a poor black girl growing up in mississippi, i would have made a wonderful lena younger."

later that night, courtney b. vance told his wife, angela bassett, "baby, when i talked about spicing up our sex life by bringing another woman into the bedroom, i did not have leontyne price in mind."

honorary black man, michael mcdonald tickles the ivories while smokey robinson and nick ashford compare old black man bad hairstyles.

"careful, white boy, i may dance like yo' mama on my show, but i can still back that thang up. you're no john travolta, but you're not too bad."

who chose this group to read something OUT LOUD!?!?

no, mary j. blige, we're not in yonkers, anymore.

careful, usher, terry mcmillan loves to marry young gay black men.

handsome white man, james brolin pretends not to notice o pushing up on his wifey. also, barack obama, acting like a senator more and more each day.

until next time, friends, this concludes o week.

day 1
day 2
day 3
day 4

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger a. said...

All those damn hats are ridiculous!

Why do I just want to laugh at Missy Elliott reading?!

You wanna know what's worse about Nick Ashford's hair? It's now a wig!

18/9/05 21:16  
Blogger **RPM** said...

This was hysterically funny. Thank you for telling us the true skinny in the pictures shown.

18/9/05 21:24  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

terry mcmillian just can't get enuf of young meat. What's wrong with her? Didn't Jonathan teach her anything? Tell us the truth Summer.

18/9/05 21:27  
Blogger Hollambeeee said...


that's all...

18/9/05 23:41  
Blogger Nick Davis said...

This just in: the above photo of Terry McMillan and Usher will also be designated, in perpetuity, To the Highest Bidder.

Plus, I still can't tell, did Cicely Tyson get invited to this thing or what?

You know Condoleezza is pissed. And Omarosa is set to drop bombs: "As though I'm not more legendary than motherfucking Ashanti! Who do I have to undermine to get into this lunch?"

19/9/05 00:00  
Blogger Nick Davis said...

My other question: did Oprah at least have a consolation coffee with Teena Marie?

19/9/05 00:02  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yay! the post i was waiting for!


19/9/05 06:49  
Anonymous studpoet said...

natalie cole to mariah, "i know honey, both black and white, yet neither. i just finished talking to halle berry."

hell nah! lol

pearl cleage leads the call and response portion of the program. halle gives angela the catwoman stare, "i can't believe that bitch said i won an oscar for being playing a ho," she would later tell a close friend.

lmao now you know you're wrong for this one!

19/9/05 09:27  
Blogger Amadeo said...

Angela would kick Halle's ass...easy. That's a scary scene.

19/9/05 10:50  
Blogger Jdid said...

damn mya angelou looks like she borrowed stevies glasses lol

19/9/05 12:35  
Anonymous Safa said...

Thanks...that gave me a much needed laugh!

19/9/05 13:52  
Blogger summer m. said...

@a: a wig? now valerie know she needs to tell nick to stop that.

@rpm: no prob. i'm here to serve.

@nick: yeah, cicely was there in a crazy white hat...great mcmillan/usher observation. funny as for teena marie: oprah did invite her, but teena said oprah wasn't black enough.

@anne: sorry it took so long. also, i wanna say thank you for providing the clay for me to mold such hate.

@stud: thanx.

@amadeo: oh yeah. all bets are on angela. that's why halle could only look.

@did: i know, right?

@safe: i'm glad you stopped by and had a laugh.

19/9/05 16:33  
Blogger Nick Davis said...

Summer, I'm sure you saw this, or at least knew about it, but I just thought I'd be sure.

20/9/05 09:21  
Blogger summer m. said...

@nick: yeah, i saw the segment on her show. i kinda lost my shit watching it.


20/9/05 09:24  
Anonymous Aaron Coleman said...

Y'all are just wrong for all those hateful comments.
Oprah threw a "boss bash", and y'all just jealous "you" weren't invited...sorry, but you had to have been someone "of note"...AC

24/9/05 20:42  
Blogger summer m. said...

@aaron coleman: so i take it you were at the "boss bash" right?

did you get that?
(point: fecundmellow)

24/9/05 20:45  

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