Monday, September 19, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

bush addresses haters, set to record dis record


kanye west said george bush didn't care about black people. well, he's out to change that. in an effort to prove that he's more in touch with his african american constituents than folks think, and to silence those who criticized his response to hurricane katrina, george bush surprised reporters this morning by unequivocally addressing his naysayers....in song.

"there's rumors out there on the internetsssss saying that i don't care about black people," he said earlier today during his monday morning press conference. "i'm sick of all these haters hatin' on me and shit. if i may quote the late homie tupac, they're a bunch of mark ass bitches. so i'm taking the time to let you all know, that george bush ain't no punk. and i'ma let 'em know by spitting a few bars. condi,"

at this point, condi rice pulled a radio raheem-esque boom box from behind the podium, and pressed play. as an "urban interpretation" of "hail to the chief" blasted from the speakers, the secretary of state grabbed a microphone and seemingly channeled doug e. fresh as she beat boxed. unofficial unpaid intern, harold gibson transcribed el presidente's freestyle:

yeah...dub-ya up in this bitch...wit' my bitch...turn my headphones up...yeah/unh/yeah/

i'm the chief, nigga hail me/act like ya know/
when i was gov i fed kangays to nigs on death row/
ray nagin got his nerve/puttin' the commander on blast/
while i'm up here signing checks/his black ass cain't cash/
you got nothing but straight fucked by a bush and a dick/
got y'all feelin' like flood victims/'cause my flow so sick/
you seen pics of my vacay/i'm cowboy and you in'jun/
annihilate ya like genocide/the middle east i'm straight pimpin'/
i'm dub-ya, nigga what!/ask john kerry, i don't play/
when that west rapper comes up dead/just blame the c.i.a./
fuck george clinton/i keep the white house white/
i fuck condi/stick it to her/like white in rice/
my bro jeb will be protected if rita hits the keys/
you got beef?/fuck you, nigga/suck on w-m-deez/**

(poof, pow surprise, oooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!)**

west texas, bitches.


george w. bush, now known as dub-ya, spent the rest of his press conference giving shout outs to fox news reporters.

though there is no release date for his upcoming single, it has been confirmed that dub-ya has signed to noah's ark records.

notes:

for the uninitiated, deez is short for deez nuts.

if you get the, "poof, pow, surprise ooooohhhhh!!!!!" reference (without goggling it), i will do one thing for you. anything. you name it.




until next time, this has been start a rumor monday.


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

18 Comments:

Blogger Dr. S said...

awe. some.

19/9/05 17:22  
Anonymous thisonechik said...

nig you crazy as hell for this shit. yeah.. you sick witted..

19/9/05 20:13  
Blogger Nick Davis said...

I got nothing on "poof, pow, surprise," but W-M-Deez -- which I did get without the Cliff's Notes for White People ;) -- is *AMAZING*.

19/9/05 21:11  
Blogger sepoy said...

BRILLIANT.

19/9/05 22:22  
Blogger sepoy said...

poof, pow, surprise ooooohhhhh!!!!!
is it from the Dave Chappelle's Music Hitlist episode? Where he goes to the Barbershop and encounters the free-stylin' champ?

19/9/05 22:25  
Blogger NeenaLove said...

LMAO @ radio-raheem-esque...

you are a nut!

20/9/05 03:00  
Blogger lily bart said...

yo summer...this is from imdb.com

Oprah Winfrey has resolved her public spat with international clothing store Hermes by inviting the president and Ceo onto her talk show to discuss her concerns. Oprah hit the headlines in June when she was refused entry to the Paris, France, branch and her aides suggested race might have had something to do with the snub. Embarrassed Oprah has refused to discuss the incident, but brought Us Hermes boss Robert Chavez onto her TV show yesterday to clear up reports suggesting she didn't want fans to shop at Hermes anymore, and purchase Berkin bags from the store. Winfrey insisted that most of what was written about the incident was "flat-out wrong," adding, "I just want to say shame on anybody for thinking that I was upset for not being able to get into a clothes store and buy a purse. I was upset because one person at the store was so rude. Not the whole company. Everybody who has ever been snubbed because you were not chic enough or thin enough or the right class or the right color or whatever - I don't know what it was - you know that that is very humiliating and that is exactly what happened to me." Chavez publicly apologized to Oprah, insisting she encountered "one very, very rigid staff member" who honestly didn't know who the talk show queen was. Oprah put an end to the public war or words, by hugging Chavez and urging viewers to "wear the Berkin bags. Shop, shop, shop, shop!"

20/9/05 09:17  
Blogger summer m. said...

@anne: yeah, i saw this on her show yesterday. it did nothing but confirm my suspicions. i, like, literally dropped my keyboard midway through that segment.

did i just admit to watching oprah?

20/9/05 09:22  
Blogger Nick Davis said...

Anne and I read the same high literature (IMDb gossip page). I just posted this as a comment in your last entry.

20/9/05 09:22  
Blogger RoRicka said...

lol @ condi rizzle as a hype-(wo)man. this whole entry has made my day.

20/9/05 11:16  
Blogger Amadeo said...

This shyt is fricking funny.

The poof, pow, surprise ooooohhhhh!!! is from Dave Chappelle...the white people dancing joint.

All I really want is any updates if the Prez and 50 start beefin...it has to happen sometime.

20/9/05 12:53  
Blogger summer m. said...

@nick: cliff's notes for white people? i love that. might have to use it.

@sepoy and amadeo: DING!DING!DING! you are correct. i guess i owe both of yous one.

20/9/05 14:14  
Blogger sepoy said...

I will collect a beer at The Pub at some mutually agreed to blog-meetup. Hey! we should have a UC blogger meetup! I know one or two. Moacir, plan this, man.

20/9/05 20:17  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

I want to thank my unofficial non paying mentor for givin me my props. What you forgot to report is that condi dropped the skirts and revealed that she got back in some low riding high rising dukes as she shook her trunk junk in between beats. Not only that she bought that black booty back to dub-ya and he beat that bitch with stick.

20/9/05 21:52  
Blogger fuss said...

That rap is too fucking funny!

21/9/05 08:26  
Blogger summer m. said...

@sepay: i will get over my hatred of the pub to fulfill my end of the deal. let me know where and when.

@harold: you trying to take over my rumors?

@fuss: stank you smelly much. i wrote it myself.

21/9/05 15:55  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

(Bowing before the queen of the blog) Your highness, Even if I lived another XX years or more could I aspire to your lofty blogosphere throne.

21/9/05 23:41  
Blogger Jdid said...

wicked! dubya straight represnting!

23/9/05 09:58  

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