get your freak on...sex tag








today is a slow blogging day. so, i thought i'd pick up on sex tag. saf started this meme several weeks ago, and i just dropped the ball. now that i've been reminded of my promise to post this junk by mwilli, i thought i'd go ahead and write it up.

i cannot promise that i'll be totally forthright, but you know, that's just my style.

here goes...

1. how did you learn about sex? i suppose soap operas initially. then moms. if you've met brenda c. you know how honest homegirl is. she had/has a 'keep it (REALLY) real' approach to parenting.
   
2. did you ever play crazy 'exploratory' games as a kid? nah, not really. i had imaginary friends as a kid, and they weren't putting out.
   
3. how old were you when you lost your virginity? 29...(i'm 25.)
   
4. what is the worst sex you ever had? no sex-if no sex is a kind of sex, and i believe it is-- is the worst kind of sex i've ever had.
   
5. what is the best sex you ever had? that one time with me, res, and...wait. that never really happened.
   
6. have you ever been caught having sex? one cannot be caught when one is not engaging in the activity.
   
7. where is the wildest place you've ever had sex? let me look into the archive...prolly my former boss' office...on her desk...in the middle of the day...with the door unlocked. (stupid, stupid, stupid...)
   
8. what sex would you take back if you could? since there is generally a 90 day policy on returns, and i don't have the receipt, i doubt if i could even get a store credit. but i guess i'd take back several sexcapades with my ex. and fucking around with boys now kinda proves pointless. but, you know, whatever.
   
9. what sex would you have if you could go back? according to my friends--saf, nahmix, and a couple others--i have passed up TONS of pussy, er uh, ass. (they may yearn to elaborate in the comments sextion.) since--according to saf--i have no social skills, i have somehow fucked up these potential liaisons. therefore, i just wanna say to all the girls i coulda loved before (that might be reading this blog, but prolly aren't), 'if given another chance, i'd love to lay ya down. it's not that i didn't want to in the first place. see, i have this thing where i never know when a girl is flirting with me, so i say the wrong things if i say anything at all. it's not you. it's me. i'm totally inept in the flirting department. and, well, i always have these crazy internal dialogues in my head that prevent me from appearing like a normal human being. they also preclude me from flirting back. and i just wanna say...'
   
10. what is your favorite 'kind' of sex? real-life sex. you know, as opposed to imaginary sex.
    
11. do you have sexual hang-ups? yeah, i can't get any. but if i ever got any, i would just need to make it clear that my bedroom is a pee free zone. just in case i hook up with a roberta kelly.
    
12. porn/pros/strip shows/swinging/s&m? believe it or not (and you prolly won't), if i ever watch porn (soft/hard/whatever), and i rarely do, it's for the acting. it's so bad it cracks me up. anyway, i will not pay for sex. watching strangers strip is not alluring to me. you can swing on deez mcnuts. and i'm not really into whips and chains and shit (slavery, anyone?), but if you wanna do some lightweight s&m, i'll give it a shot.
    
13. what have you tried? i've tried to get some. it didn't work.
    
14. what would you like to try? i'd like to try to have sex again before i die.
    
15. who is your dream partner? a female, preferably still breathing...um, i can't really call it. anyone in the upcoming 'women i'd like to catch the gay' entry will do.
    
16. if you had to fill in this blank--"i'm a ______ in bed"--what would you fill it with? cover hog...hmmm. i guess i'd say, i'm a customer service representative in bed. how may i help you? you know, like, if i ever got the chance, in my own controlling way i'd aim to please and shit.
    
17. what is your favorite word for sex? coitus. but since that term is heteronormative in its definition (see, i can be a good dyke, too!), i'll just go with fuck...no...fuck that. coitus. and that's my final answer.
    
18. what's more intimate--kissing or humping? kissing--intimacy according to pretty woman.

i suppose if someone wants me to really answer these questions they'll ask, and i shall do so more honestly perhaps in the comments. until next time, you've been tagged.