Friday, July 15, 2005

this weekend's essay: hey (lil mama) lemme whisper in your ear...confess something

it doesn't have to be anything major. major things might be best for postsecret (the best blog ever!!). but confess what you will.
  1. the other day i actually thought, 'whatever happened to rick moranis?' and contemplated for a moment before laughing at my own silly self. (i don't care what you say, my blue heaven is a classic, and his performance in ghostbusters was amazing.)
  2. when i'm alone and feeling confident, i play prince's 'baby i'm a star' very loudly and sing along.
  3. i find most of the people in my department extremely boring, uninteresting, and not even half as smart as they think they are. this assessment does not exclude me.
  4. i use epithets (nigga, dyke, bitch) not simply to remove certain connotations from the word, and to work within the stereotype in a very small effort to transform them (like other, much smarter and influential people), but also because i like the way they sound. i believe that as a member of certain marginalized groups i have every right to use them, and every right to kick someone's ass who is not a member yet uses them. not that i would, i just have the right to.
  5. i've heavily considered the idea that some women are lesbians and/or feminists because they are seemingly physically unattractive to others (i.e. men).
  6. there is a list of "black public intellectuals" (some i know, or have met) that fuel me to finish my ph.d. program. not because they are inspiring, but because i so greatly dislike them. it is therefore my intention to get this degree as a(nother) tool to get to a point of kicking ass instead of kissing it--and to name names while i'm doing it.
  7. if i were deemed brilliant by enough people i respected, that'd be quite wonderful. i doubt, however, that i would believe them.
  8. i am more afraid of success than failure.
ok. your turn.

have a great weekend.

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger rrrrrrrachel said...

1. i'm more afraid of success than failure too.

2. i could eat kraft singles & mayonaise sandwiches everyday. but i don't.

3. i love dr. phil.

4. i could also eat 1 dozen krispy kreme glazed doughnuts in one sitting if left unattended.

5. sometimes i get quite afraid that there is a very demanding god out there and i have not been living nearly up to snuff.

7. i would probably marry john mayer if he asked me.

6. and finally, i pretty much agree with your #3, myself included as well.

15/7/05 11:12  
Blogger RoRicka said...

i'm terrified of commitment, but i am even more afriad i'll never find someone to commit to.

i love to lay naked on my back porch knowing full well that when i do, i'm in full view of many of my neighbors.

i love to argue, but hate confrontation.

i used to write for a popular hip-hop magazine under a pseudonym, won an award, and no one in my family nor any of my close friends know about it.

15/7/05 12:06  
Blogger deshi said...

#5 is ludicrous and if i didn't know you better i'd bitch slap ya. ;)

have you not considered the fact that there are tons of crazy ugly straight and mysogynistic people all over the world?

15/7/05 13:00  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

This is Us... and these are my Confessions...

I had never seen my parents together in the same room at the same time until 2 days ago.

I love Cartoon Network. Especially Teen Titans.

I have Crokette mallots in the trunk of my car... and not to play the game either...

I have no fear of commitment, just the fear of commiting to the WRONG person. Therefore, I steer clear of any meaningful or healthy romantic relationship.

I am very self destructive... something good will happen and somehow I will sabotoge... on purpose.

Is that stuff too deep? Maybe I do need to send a confession to postsecret...

15/7/05 13:03  
Blogger Jdid said...

When I'm upset for no apparent reason I listen to Mobb Deep Shook One's Part II

I dont think my parents like the person I became

I fear I'll be a terrible parent when that day comes

I can be superconfident one minute and terribly lost the next

sometimes i wish i was stranded on a deserted island because all the stress and pressure wouldnt be there

oh and i've got that fear of success joint too

15/7/05 13:37  
Blogger summer m. said...

@rrrrachel: 124576? what's up with your numbering, playa?

@roricka: i'm really curious about this hip hop magazine stuff, but i'll email you about it.

@deshi: i don't think #5 is completely ludicrous, so you might have to bitch slap me. i just wonder how one's view of the world is influenced if one is considered pleasant to look at by the (white, straight) male (gaze). that's all.

@miss jessi: it's not too deep. all very interesting, in fact. but keep in mind i charge 80 bux an hour for therapy sessions. :)

@jdid: i wonder: why do you think your parents don't like the person you've become?

15/7/05 13:56  
Blogger deshi said...

wondering how one's view of the world is influenced if on is considered pleasant to look at is different from what you originally said. your statement came off like you were saying you gave consideration to the idea that women are or become feminists or lesbians because they are unattractive to men. time for a serious bitch slap... ;)

15/7/05 16:03  
Blogger rrrrrrrachel said...

i kinda wanted to slap you for that one too. but you can't slap someone who's confessing.

numerical order is kind of confusing, ok?

8. i am hateful/terrified of the straight male gaze, and am suspicious of it when it seems pleased.

15/7/05 17:29  
Blogger Morcy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

15/7/05 20:32  
Blogger summer m. said...

@deshi and rrrrachel: not entirely different. i'm just saying, i don't think it's entire crazy to think certain chicks (yeah, i said chicks) are lesbians and/or feminists b/c they're allegedly challenged in the looks dept. i just think if you're 'beautiful' woman (a problematic term, but hey, this is a comment on a blog), that your experience in the world is much different than if you aren't. on the flip side of that, if you're not one of the 'beautiful' ones, some shit can be a lot tougher.

that said, i still don't think it's crazy to suggest that some women catch the gay and/or espouse feminist politics b/c they're 'ugly.' i didn't say all. i said some. and as for the feminist part, if such women existed i don't think that makes the goals of such things less valuable or unjust.

like i said, it's just some shit i thought about for longer than a hot second. in fact, the more i think about it, the more interesting becomes. i mean, if i concluded yes, what would that train of thought look like? you know, if i just wasn't on some misogynistic bullshit.

and i dare either one of you to bitch slap me.

15/7/05 23:37  
Blogger deshi said...

rachel's right... you can't slap someone for confessing. and of course if i bitch slapped you, i'd get my ass kicked. and i know this. so i won't. you are, after all, bigger than me, the petite flower that i am.

however, i still don't see your point. and i won't beat this to death but i inherently feel the need to argue your comments.

people don't "catch the gay", or the ones that do are fakers just experimenting because they're trying to be trendy. women aren't lesbians because of lack of attention from men, but because they are attracted to women. but you know this already, so no further comment required.

on the other hand i absolutely agree that "beautiful" people have a much different life experience than "ugly" people. no argument there. but to tie that into feminism or lesbianism just seems ludicrous to me, and it really does sound (to me) like something a guy would say only because he doesn't understand feminism. people, men and women alike, espouse feminist politics because they see something inherently wrong with the balance of equality between men and women in society... not the balance of equality between ugly and pretty people. i don't think it has anything to do with looks.

obviously you're entitled to your opinions, observations and confessions. i'm just surprised by #5, is all.

16/7/05 11:59  
Blogger deshi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

16/7/05 12:06  
Blogger deshi said...

here's an anonymous quote i remember from back in high school that i love:

"... because a woman's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get the sack and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get bashed we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and / or pushy and if we expect community care for children we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and... for lots and lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement. "

16/7/05 12:12  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I just wanted to assert my support for #5. I don't think it's a rule, but it makes sense as a possibility given the complex, indeterminate developmental route towards cementing one's sexual orientation. I don't think it's ever a conscious choice, though....

I could go on for quite a while on this subject but since it's not my blog, I'll leave my commentary at that.

16/7/05 12:14  
Blogger summer m. said...

@deshi: 1) i'm not claiming all women 'catch the gay'. you've read my shit long enough to know that that is a term i use to be silly, but often just to make certain beliefs problematic, or worth reconsideration.

that said, i still don't think this idea is ludicrous. in fact, i think such statements trouble certain ideologies that aren't critiqued as stringently as they should be, esp. who subcribe to them, and can't simply be relegated to a misogynistic position.

i'm simply wondering what kind of space lesbianism and feminism provides for those unwillingly to deal with and/or unfairly marginalized with and by 'traditional' spaces.

that said, we can take this up tonite at the esthero concert.

(i did not proofread this)

16/7/05 13:44  
Blogger Alii said...

hey summer

your confessions are just what they are,

still reading


16/7/05 16:17  
Blogger rrrrrrrachel said...

i will say this: if you're a knockout beautiful 36-24-36 woman, maybe it would just be a very different (tougher?) route to feminism (won't comment on the gay part). tho i'm uncomfortable with what you said in 5, i do admit that if i met a really "beautfiful" woman and she's a badass, men's-desires-don't-mean-shit-to-me, fuck-patriarchy, feminist, i can't help but find that more interesting than the same in a woman who's not easy on the eyes.

this may not have made sense. but i think you understand what i'm saying. i just wish there were more beautiful feminists. is that fucked up?

16/7/05 17:57  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*bats eyes at deshi*

I'm one... :)

16/7/05 21:15  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoops, I meant to bat my eyes at rrrrrrrrrachael, not deshi. Sorry.

16/7/05 21:16  
Blogger summer m. said...

this is my last respose, and i'm done.

i'm not going to back down for thinking about something. forgive me (not really) for considering the 'less romantic' reasons why people cloke themselves with certain ideologies and/or lifestyles. there are too many historical figures who have done a lot of good in the world with reasons not entirely pure. (take mary mccleod bethune, por ejemplo. said some really fucked up shit about her people, but tried to educate those mofos in the process.) in such cases, i don't necessarily think whatever change has been made is undermined. the ends, perhaps, justify the means.

when asked with some sort of sincerity, i don't think such questions should be deemed misogynist, racist, whatever. in fact, i think often such knee jerk responses usually attempt to cover up something deeper and more complicated. if someone is trying to be an ass, word up, tell him or her so. but when i'm thinking about such things, i'm thinking about what certain spaces allow one to (not) do vis a vis other, more 'traditional' spaces.

i've seen too many instances where women have responded to women not simply on some, 'you're succumbing to patriarchy type shit' but (also) on some 'i can't be're succumbing to patriarchy' type shit--both in lesbian and feminist spaces.

does this mean that all women put themselves in these spaces because they've been 'rejected' by men in some way or another? hell (to the) naw. that's ludicrous. but am i wrong for thinking about the variety of reasons why women want to inhabit certain, (seemingly) safe(r) spaces? no. in fact, i think when we don't consider the less 'just' reasons why people do certain things, we're ignoring 'human' (problematic, i know, but i'm just typing here) aspects of this shit. and that's simply odd to me.

i'm going to continue to think about the possibly fucked up, and complicated reasons why people do things. if i think about these things for a bit, trying to consider the angles, it doesn't make them true. but if it goes against my 'intellectual sensiblities' that doesn't make them false, either.

now i'm done. do what you will--maybe, like, confessing something. which was the point of this entry any damn way.

17/7/05 13:21  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

17/7/05 13:52  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally agree that the refusal to acknowledge that certain ideologies do afford certain types of people a "protection" from systems in which they can't or feel they can't function effectively, and the idea that because people need or want this protection they willfully subscribe to these ideologies or enter into spaces that are shaped by them, is an oversimplification of certain lifestyles and lifestyle choices that while it (this oversimplification) may help to bolster the credibility/respectability/integrity of these lifestyles/choices, constitute a serious failure to recognize and deal with the complexity and contradictary nature of human-ness and human behavior. And I personally think that it's more important to do that - to look at people as they really are and really live - than as they'd like to be or think or believe they live. Does that make any sense? I hope so.

If not, then, I'll put it more plainly. Lesbians may not become lesbians because they've been rejected by men, but women sometimes sleep with women because they've somehow opted out of fucking with men. And feminists may not believe in the equality of women because they're ugly, but they may become part of the "movement" so that they can be a part of something that won't reject their ugly mugs or wide asses. And it's fucking ludicrous (is that the word we were using?) to think that shit is not possible or real. Just because some of us happen to be coming from a "right and good" place in terms of our lifestyles and politics doesn't mean that everyone is. That's a really naive or perhaps even self-serving assumption to make. And also, even if people's motives are not exactly "right and good," it doesn't mean that their allegiance isn't real or that they're work isn't good. Just means they're real people and not fucking paragons. So sue 'em...

17/7/05 13:55  
Blogger rrrrrrrachel said...

i knew a woman in college who thought she was gay but was clearly just attracted to women she wanted to look like. there's a little part of me that has wanted to be every guy i've fallen in love.

and regarding the above comments: i really love yall.

17/7/05 14:01  
Blogger rrrrrrrachel said...

uh, add a "with" to the end of that second to last sentence.

17/7/05 14:02  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You certanly know how to create a blog riot!!! Just one more attractive quality about you. I do agree and respect what you said because it is YOUR opinion.

#1 I to am a little afraid of commitment because I always find the wrong moment & woman to say "I LOVE YOU" to when really I want to say "I LOATH YOU." I feel that the need to make a woman happy is important to me and I comepletely disregard my feelings when I should be looking out for #1.

#2 I to secretly love to watch Teen Titans and occasionally find myself singing the theme song.

#3 I hate staying in one state/city for longer then 1 year, although I did spend 8 years in St. Louis and again that is one of those loathing moments.

#4 I wish that I was a mind reader.

#5 I still love to listen to Milli Vanilli, will never admit that to anyone...EVER!!

#6 I would rather sit at home and read then go out any day, but my friends think I am joking.


17/7/05 21:45  
Blogger summer m. said...

@anon/blu: in response to this current girl fight: it's crazy because in real life i'm soooo non-confrontational. plus, it's not even really an opinion, just some shit i've thought about.

keep lurking. soon enough, i'm gonna make you love me.

17/7/05 21:57  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel you, as one who has wondered about my own motivations.

Confession: I think I'm in love with a woman and I'm "straight"

I'm a lot less put together than people think I am

17/7/05 22:00  
Blogger mwilli said...

these are my confessions:

my husband thinks i'm going to tell him i'm gay any minute now.

i'm scared as hell moving to texas. i've been in california all my life.

i'm not as insecure as i used to be.

i don't like to be alone. i can be, but i don't like it.

i am a slob but i will clean when necessary.

i am obsessed with oral hygiene.

i am actually a fan of terry (my husband is gay) mcmillan.

i admire summer's brain.

i wish i would've finished college.

i don't want anymore children.

i like taking myself out on a date sometimes.

i like bon jovi.

18/7/05 10:27  
Blogger deshi said...

who's fighting here? damn.

i never even said anything about you backing down from what you said. that wouldn't be you, now would it? your intial wording just rubbed me the wrong way and so i commented on it. would you rather i had kept my comments to myself?

18/7/05 19:47  
Blogger summer m. said...

@deshi: no one's fighting. i just wanted to say 'girl fight'.

and feel free to tell me i'm full o' shit anytime in the comments section.

in actuality, i love it.

19/7/05 13:02  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

@MWilli - (can you do this on somebody else's blog?)

My mother didn't get her Ph.D. until she was 48. You can always go back to school, so don't feel sad about that. Get together a plan.

Oh, and I'm not as insecure as I used to be, either. I just have a hard time liking myself as much as I deserve to be liked (sick as that sounds). I think it's the fear of overestimating yourself, i.e. coming off like an arrogant beyotch.

19/7/05 20:38  

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