Wednesday, June 29, 2005

erace my tv, please: open letter #1


dear white men (and fellow bitches) running the world,

i know this may come as a bit of a surprise, but i'm writing to request that you remove all black people from television. seriously. listen, i know the n(iggas) a(pes) a(lligators) c(oons) and p(ossums) (mississippi burning swipe) gave you all hell for your fall television lineup a few years ago, but i'm here to take it back. i'd like black people removed from television until further notice.

why, you ask?

because everytime i turn on the tv and see a black person, they do black shit. why can't black people just be on t.v.? why they always gotta do black shit?

ok. i'm losing my shit. i need to slow down and tease out/put pressure on the phrase, 'black shit'. first: what is black shit? black shit--more formally known as niggafying (shout out
saf)-- very crudely describes those behaviors some group of rich, straight, white men believe black people exhibit during waking hours. they sit in advertising boardrooms and come up with scenarios where black people niggafy their products. thus, whenever black people are on television (namely, commercials), they exhibit such behavior. this behavior includes beatboxing, dancing, complicated greetings that include incomprehensible handshakes, and excessive use of slang. now some may think terms like 'black shit' and 'niggafying/niggafication' are problematic. indeed, they are a bit ignorant, but purposely so. i mean, how ignorant must you be to present and/or accept this process as necessary for reaching 'urban' (meaning: nig) markets (and young, white suburban kid ones, too)?

one example of this involves a producer of some of the finer meat products known to humans, including bologna and hot dogs. this particular company has a very catchy jingle that involves spelling. in this commercial, groups of people (friends, parents and their kids, etc.) sing this very famous jingle. everybody stands in front of a yellow background and sings the damn song--except the black girls. can the black girls just the damn jingle? helllll no. they gotta, they must, they have to step to the jingle, thereby "remixing it" with a niggafied beat. (stepping, for those of you who don't know, is a form of dancing where persons make rhythms by stomping their feet, clapping their hands, and/or slapping other parts of their bodies, thereby creating a rhythm.) granted, black people often do this, i highlight a group of black people singing 'happy birthday' as an example. yet, why is it impertive for these girls to step in the commercial when no one else does? they didn't make the asian people in the commercial do 'asian shit,' did they? so why do the nigs have to do black shit?

as stated above, i am not suggsting that black people do not conduct themselves in such ways. hell no. nigs be on their nig shit. yet when we asked for representation, i believe we meant we wanted black people on tv living regular fucking lives. true, living as a black person in this country is in many ways fucked up, but i do not sing a negro spiritual every time shit gets hard (though i have been know to hum "go down, moses" while cleaning the house). i have never, EVER in my life greeted another black woman by calling her sistuh or sistuh girl. believe it or not, often black people just say smile and 'hi' to each other.

even animated black people be on their black shit:

'grrrrrl, where'd you get that fruit and walnut salad?'

'from mcdonald's, honeychile, and i'm lovin' it.'

such images remind me of a conversation
traci and i were having concerning greeting cards several months ago. as i recall, we were both commenting (her more than me) about how we just can't get regular greeting cards with black people on it. you know, just a black baby in a tire with some big ol' sun glasses that says 'have a great day' on the inside and shit. nooooo. black cards must be niggafied: some red, black, and green, kente cloth bordered card with a bunch of niggas playing the drums with an inside message that reads something like, 'may the light of mother africa shine on you on your birthday.' wtf?

this, obviously, has perturbed me beyond sanity. i am therefore requesting that all black people be removed from television until further notice.

sincerely,
summer m., self-appointed (un)official voice of 'the race'

discuss.


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

19 Comments:

Blogger Safire said...

Honeychile,

Don't you be letting them honkies get you down. Whever I gets upset 'bout that shit they plays on that there TV, I just gets down on my knees and prays that the Lord Almighty will take all that nigga-tivity away. And then I walks down to the store for a pack of Now-n-Laters, a red pop, and a pickle. That cheers a nigga right up.

Holla!!!
(Just sos you know, I'm listening to Tupac as I write this.)

29/6/05 22:32  
Blogger summer m. said...

nigga-tivity?

oh shit, saf. i just pissed on myself.

29/6/05 22:39  
Blogger Nick Davis said...

I would try to make time responding to this fantastic post, but I am too busy attending Broadway musicals, dressing in satin shirts and other high-sheen fabrics, advising straight people how to cook truffles and coq au vin, describing everything I can think of as "fabulous," being friends with rich alcoholic psychotic women, spending all night on E in a dance club where everyone is shirtless (and buff, and white, and young), and being 110% gay in ways that do not actually involve any physical affection with any known or visible man. I really am sorry this keeps me so busy.

Haven't you been paying close enough attention to your TV, though? If I did comment, I would suggest that you forgot to mention the sassy grandmother who lives with you (and reveals at a funny/dramatic moment that she, too, can step), your loud exclamations of "Oh, Hunh-Uh!" to convey most emotional states (even in classrooms, banks, workplaces...), and the way all the generations of your family collect in the kitchen or on a patio to concoct a 10-course soul food meal together, pretty much every day. So, at least I know that you're busy, too.

29/6/05 23:15  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Nick that was too funny.

Summer baby girl, chill, honeychile, it gonna be alright. Ohh baby don't cha know the Lawd gonna fix dis here thing. Qala- skizzy-skoo (speaking in tongues) Dem folks ain't gonna alway git on yo nig nerves baby doll. Now Sum-sum go git you some collard greens and snoots (pig noses a St. Louis delicacy) it will make you feel better. And when you get finished go play my numbers.

30/6/05 00:03  
Anonymous zena princess warior said...

mommy is so proud of her little chittlin'! in fact, i jus got off my knees prayin'afta ah finished sangin' "nobody knows da trouble ah seen." even doe da man is tryin' to keep my from reading your blog at work we done found a way!

30/6/05 09:34  
Blogger summer m. said...

@nick: wait a minute, boyfriend, you people aren't all like queer eye? *rolls neck* *snaps fingers*.

i guess i can quit the softball team now.

@zena: little chittlin'? i love you, mommy. we need to roll one when you come visit.

30/6/05 09:54  
Blogger RoRicka said...

:::hums spiritual softly, and stoically:::

30/6/05 10:10  
Blogger fuss said...

Sista-friend, I done almost choked on dis here chicken bone I wuz suckin' on.

Too funny and too true. I gotta start working on my scripts.

30/6/05 10:36  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha ha!

I think you caught the "activist indignation" bug. You know it's going around . . . among other things ;)

30/6/05 11:36  
Blogger Alii said...

One of my favorite blogs yet. This morning i turned on the radio and these coons aka the ying yang twins were on promoting their new TV show. I was speechless

thanks for putting words back in my mouth.

30/6/05 14:07  
Blogger summer m. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

30/6/05 14:44  
Blogger summer m. said...

@anonymous: me? activist? hellll no. i never act. it's against my religion. or something.

@fuss: you got any wings left? and some hot sauce? i am so honnnngry.

@alii: the ying yang twins are gonna feel my rather sooner or later. prolly later.

30/6/05 14:45  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

Summer, this was beautiful... you never cease to amaze me.

30/6/05 15:16  
Blogger summer m. said...

@miss jessi: beautiful? for real? i was going for big ole asshole, but beautiful will suffice.

thanx for the love.

30/6/05 18:25  
Blogger Sarah said...

*tightens* head wrap and reaches for soy rib...you're funny.

1/7/05 16:58  
Blogger summer m. said...

@sarah: thank you.

2/7/05 00:23  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this, is some interesting shit.. the discussions, oh the discussions.

10/9/05 03:59  
Blogger summer m. said...

@anon: well, let me know how those discussions go. i'd love to hear about it.

11/9/05 22:36  
Blogger mizzutti_ said...

I HATE EMINEM.FUCK HEM.
HE'S A FUCKING MEN.

12/7/06 07:58  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home