Monday, January 10, 2005

(start a rumor monday)

ashlee: simpson no more

10. january. 2005--ashlee simpson has had a tough last six months. it seems as if she's damned if she does, and damned if she doesn't. not only has her older sister, jessica simpson, gotten even more popular, but young ashlee just can't seem to give the people what they want.

her troubles began when she was caught lip syncing during her saturday night live musical performance. but just last week, during her half time performance at the orange bowl, simpson was booed for--get this--singing live. if her solo country hodown and abrupt exit during the snl performance is any indicator, simpson does not respond well to adversity. as a result of the orange bowl trauma, simpson is taking drastic measures to save her young career:

she's dropping her last name.

though her debut album, autobiography has done quite well, ashlee still feels the need to solidify her own independent public persona. "i just really need to establish myself as something other than jessica simpson's younger sister. dying my hair black and making rock music just doesn't seem to be working." she continued, "look, i just feel like there are too many simpsons out there for me to really make my mark as my own person, so i'm no longer performing under the name ashlee simpson. there's my sister, there's the simpsons, there's oj simpson, and there's that one group with the ugly black guy with long, gross hair."

"ashford and simpson?"

"yeah, them."

when asked about her father, manager joe simpson felt about such a move, ashlee scoffed, "i know everyone probably thinks that because my [older] sister [jessica simpson] pledged her virginity to him that he'd, like, be all mad and stuff. but like, god. isn't it obvious that he like totally doesn't love me? he lets me walk around with this nose for goodness sake."

when asked if she'd decided on a new stage name, the former ashlee simpsonwas reflective, "i was thinking of like doing the whole prince thing and going by 'the artist formerly known as jessica simpson's younger, uglier sister' or something like that. but that like totally defeats the purpose, you know? so i was thinking of maybe just going by my first name. "

"but ashlee, what about the crop of young female singers that also perform under first names only? like beyonce, ashanti, and jo jo?"

"those girls like totally sing pop music, and i'm not into that mainstrem thing. plus, beyonce's like totally dumber than my sister. besides," she added, "aren't they, like, black?"

touche, ashlee.

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


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