Monday, October 03, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)


say it loud!...i'm gay and i'm proud!

late last week, harold gibson, unpaid and allegedly sexually harrassed fecundmellow intern, forwarded the following message from a reader to summer m., cranky chick in charge:

dear summer m.,

let me start by saying i hesitate to send this message, because i've seen how you've responded to negative commenters on your blog [jay and robert]. but i feel like i just need to be brave and step up. that said, i'd also like to preface my remarks by telling you that i read your blog everyday, and i love it. i think you're fantastically brilliant, and hot. i just can't believe that someone of your intelligence and sexiness is running around the city of chicago single [neither can we]!!

i have just one problem though: your blog isn't gay enough. you talk a lot about black people, and that's really great, but it's not the only marginalized and oppressed group you belong to. what about your gay and lesbian brothers and sisters?

where's your pride?

sincerely,
devoted reader


this is my response:

dear devoted,

thank you so much for reading my blog on a regular basis. i sincerely appreciate your dedication, despite your problems with my lack of "gay material". though i do generally rip "negative commenters" a new one, i'm turning over a new leaf...so in regard to your comment that my blog isn't "gay enough," i'd just like to say...

you're right.

yes, i have no quarrel with your argument. what you said is essentially true. who am i to run around here claiming to have a liquor license if i don't represent it as hard as i do other things? i mean, it's tough when you think about it...having to constantly write gendered, raced, classed, and same-sex loving toned blog entries. but i can do better. i really should get off my nig shit and write more about gay shit (and broad shit and working class shit). so i've come up with a 10 point plan to make my blog more gay:
  • this blog will no longer be known as "fecundmellow" but "taste the rainbow."
  • from this day forward, anytime i am talking about women, i will refer to them as womyn. "y" being the operative letter in the word.
  • during the summer months, i will advertise and attend (black) gay pride weekends; and i will only endorse the products of those companies who have booths at pride events.
  • in the "favorite movies" section of my profile, i will list bound as my all time favorite flick.
  • hereafter, all blog titles will now be inspired by the lyrics of ani difranco, indigo girls, tracy chapman, and meshell n'degeocello.
  • though i find the show to be obnoxiously boring and problematic, beginning in january of 2006, "start a rumor monday..." will be replaced with weekly recaps of the l word. i will refrain from talking about things such as how the only black chick on the show is straight (pam grier), for we all know that jennifer beals only gets partial credit for being a member of the race. (wasn't she outed as [part] black, after flashdance?)
  • i will no longer use the phrase "the gay". i understand that using the article "the" implicitly suggests that homosexuality is some kind of undesirable and contagious disease...sort of like saying "the clap."
  • i shall refrain from using homosexuality as a "dis" to certain people. thus, you will no longer see things such as "kangay west" or "oprah's lover, gayle" on my page.
  • i promise to stop objectifying women, and being so obsessed with how pretty i think they are. it's most, er, more important for their politics hearts to be in the right place.
  • finally, following the lead of two more famous bloggers, i will proceed to publish blog entries dedicated to asking whether or not certain black public figures who spew homophobic rhetoric are in actuality gay. (more on this later in the week.)
though my conversion to a more thoughtful, gay friendly blog will be difficult (i had to tear up approximately 75% of my jokes), i will do my best to show my pride. i've already taken positive steps, for i am eating a bag of skittles as i write this.

again, thank you for reading.

sincerely,
summer m.
hatin' ass homo blogstar, and unofficial voice of "the race."


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

12 Comments:

Blogger Alii said...

i assure you that there is nothing straight about summer.

furthermore, i love the new picture(pretty in pink), and profile (ever thought of being a spoken-word artist?) heheheheeh.

-alii

3/10/05 17:36  
Blogger Phoenix said...

more loud laughter in the library. thanks for waving your flag(s). if you're not going to be gay enough for us, who will? (j/kidding).

l'

3/10/05 19:16  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Aw hell to the naw. I just got your memo and I aint writin the last season recap for Queer as Folk and I ain't gonna keep you updated on what's on the Logo station.

Look honey bunny you got the gay not me. And as much as I am down for diversity it ain't happenin'[Do I look like Damon Wayans to you?]

But hold up, if you want to shoot the breeze and talk the many fine points of Pam Grier, past and present, then maybe I can keep on workin cuz Pam Grier has been my dream for many, many, years.

And by the way, I finally watched an episode of My Wife and Kids, I guess it's cancelled now, but anyway, I can see why you feel the way you do about that Tisha Campbell Martin chick. You might be right.

3/10/05 20:25  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can not stop laughing...like I always love to say to you, "Summer there is something wrong with you.." Please don't stop your hattin' ways, you may actually "change" too much and actually start to trip off "girl shit." WE LOVE YOU SUMMER...NEVER CHANGE!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Blu

3/10/05 20:56  
Blogger summer m. said...

@alii: how are you so sure there's nothing straight about me?

@phoenix: on days when i'm not gonna be on my gay, i'll provide you with a list of gay substitutes...

@harold: look, this insubordination has got to stop. as for tisha campbell...i know i'm right. i'm always right. even when i'm wrong i'm right. (my grandma used to tell me that. i didn't understand it until i was much older, though.)

@blu: you and my mother agree: there is something very wrong with me.

4/10/05 10:19  
Blogger Alii said...

because ive talked to you for longer than 3 seconds.

4/10/05 11:26  
Blogger RoRicka said...

harold, i told you to keep it quiet. i was just checking to see if you had my $5 in your pocket, damn. now you're all 'blah blahh arrassment' to everyone and it isn't funny.

wasn't there some controversy around jennifer beals because of a jet magazine interview or something? i think it had to do with her not claiming her blackness or with her passing or something like that.

4/10/05 13:20  
Blogger Amadeo said...

Lovely...I recommend you reference some Savage Love articles (by Dan Savage).

4/10/05 15:53  
Blogger Safire said...

Ummm, first, what the fuck is "gay enough"? Second, when did Blogspot become Burger King out this piece (i.e. why do MFs think they're supposed to get blogging their way)? And third, how are you going to tell grown folks how to express their own shit? This whining ass MF with the comments needs to get his/her own mode of expression and stop trying to get release from yours. That's what I think.

4/10/05 16:16  
Blogger summer m. said...

@amadeo: good thought. so it's an 11 point plan now.

@saf: homie, i made all of it up. even the letter. but i'm glad that i kind sinda korta disguise my writing...funny-ass comment, nonetheless. burger king? *dead*

i love how you come to my defense...it's awesome.

4/10/05 17:52  
Blogger Phoenix said...

you wrote it? haha summer. mucho cleverly disguised writing. in that case, although the entire post was hillarious,i must note that i think you're fantastically brilliant, and hot. i just can't believe that someone of your intelligence and sexiness is running around the city of chicago single [neither can we]!! was the most hillariously honest part.

way to pat yourself on the back summer. if you can't see it, who in sam's tarnation will?

4/10/05 19:58  
Blogger summer m. said...

uh...that shoulda read, "i can sinda korta," not "i kind sinda korta." maybe i should proofread next time.

@phoenix: yeah, the letter was a fake, too. i just couldn't resist writing that stuff about myself. if i may quote my homeboy calogero from a bronx tale, "i took a shot."

4/10/05 20:13  

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