Monday, January 17, 2005

(start a rumor monday)

in honor of dr. martin luther king, bush integrates coffee

in response to a reporter's question concerning how he intended to celebrate the martin luther king, jr. holiday during this morning's conference on the white house lawn, president bush responded, "of course i intend to honor the life and work of martin luther king. why, i intend to watch coming to america this evening with laura and the twins--you know that barber in the movie said he met dr. king once. and just this morning, i interrogated my coffee. and you know what? it was really delectable." he chuckled, "as i like to tell cunnilingus, i mean, condoleeza rice, there's nothing wrong with sticking some cream in your coffee every now and then."

as is their practice, another reporter quickly chimed in over the yells of his counterparts, "well mr. president, are you going to in any way take this day as an opportunity to address some of the issues that continue to plague african americans and other persons of color despite king's noble work?"

"listen, we have to take this one step at a time. this is hard work. take baby steps and continue to work hard." he added, "i know that there are rumors out there on the internetsss saying that i'm going to interrogate the country in my second term. but it's all lies. maybe one day black people and white people will lawfully be allowed to live, eat, work and play together; maybe one day there will even be black cabinet members. but not on my watch."

"but mr. president, lawfully black and white people can do those things, and you've already had several persons of color as members of your cabinet," a reporter mentioned.

"i have? oh. well, what are black people complaining about?" he earnestly inquired. "if it's not enough that i put cream in my coffee this morning, then i apologize for frying all those niggers while i was govenor of texas. now if you'll excuse me, i have some presidential things to do. 9/11, 9/11, 9/11. god bless america, and nobody else."

and with that, this morning's white house press conference ended.

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ummm, that cream in the coffee bit is the funniest thing I have read in a minute. Classic. But I have to say... I do hope that we achieve total integration in the next few years. Martin had a dream, like, forty years ago. Most of the time, you try to honor a dead person's wishes within, like, a year of their death.

1/2/05 20:06  

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