Monday, August 08, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

gwen stefani is educational

if being an international superstar, lead singer of the band no doubt, gavin rossdale's wifey, and the best carbon copy of madonna this side of 1995 isn't enough, gwen stefani can add "chimp trainer" to her resume. well, sort of. researchers at the university of chicago have recently discovered that exposing their chimps to gwen stafani's music could possibly aid in teaching them to talk. though they've yet to conduct any official experiments, researchers were glad to release news that one of their chimps, mr. pickles, has learned some of the lyrics to gwen stefani's hit, "hollaback girl".

though humans and chimpanzees have been communicating via sign language for quite some time, this is the first documented evidence of chimpanzees verbally communicating with humans in such a way that humans recognized the structure of the language.

"i was completely shocked when i heard mr. pickles speak," said jimmy garrett, a graduate student working in the lab, and mr. pickles' primary observer and caretaker.** "i listen to the radio when i'm entering information into the computer, and 'hollaback girl' plays pretty often. since i was working on the computer, my back was to his [mr. pickles'] cage. all of a sudden, mr. pickles starts jumping up and down in his cage, and making noise. so much so that i couldn't concentrate. so i walked over to the cage to see what the problem was, and that's when he spoke."

according to mr. garrett, mr. pickles had defecated in his cage. though indicating that it's time for a cage to be cleaned isn't unusual, what mr. pickles did next was. again according to mr. garrett, mr. pickles picked up some of the fecal matter, and threw it at mr. garrett. " he laughed and said, 'this shit is bananas.' then he pointed and laughed again," mr. garret told reporters. "it was pretty funny if i say so myself. i was so shocked when i heard him speak that i could barely make out his next action, which was pointing at the the fecal matter on my lab coat, laughing, jumping up and down, all the while repeating, 'this my shit. this my shit.'"

though mr. pickles has yet to quote any additional lyrics from "hollaback girl," researchers at the lab are hopeful that they can use gwen stefani and other musicians to teach chimpanzees how to speak. "we're really excited about this new discovery, and we hope to prove that mr. pickes isn't an anomaly. we've already set up our lab with surround sound, and we intend to play music for the chimps 24 hours a day," said dr. zaius, head of the "chimp lab".** "we believe if the chimps can learn verbal imitation, perhaps we can teach them to create their own sentences. already, they've learned to find the rhythm of the music we play. they're great, naturally gifted dancers."

mr. pickles has already inked deals with pepsi, honda, adidas, and popeyes chicken. no word yet if he'll appear on the rumored "hollaback girl" remix.

**jimmy garrett is the name of matthew broderick's character in the 80's movie project x.
**dr. zaius is the name of one of the head apes in the classic, planet of the apes (1968).

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger mwilli said...

please tell me what you smokin so i can get some. i don't even have words for this start a rumor except that this is hella funny. still laughing.

8/8/05 12:29  
Blogger rrrrrrrachel said...

love it! love it! i just sent in my vote. "this my shit! this my shit!". oh my jesus that's funny.

8/8/05 13:15  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

you never ever cease to amaze me summer... this shit IS bananas! B-A-NAN-A-S!!!

8/8/05 13:33  
Blogger Jdid said...

i love the dr zaius reference

8/8/05 14:04  
Blogger Amadeo said...

Laughing at this decreased my production today by 20%

8/8/05 14:10  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, I knew you were going to figure out a way to get at that song. You've been complaining about that shit being annoying, a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g. I hope you feel better, now that's you've gotten your aggravation off your chest (smile).

I feel totally confident now in my vote for you for funniest black blog.

8/8/05 15:14  
Blogger PookasKnight said...

I love it!! Couldn't stop laughing and I voted!! I voted you funniest blog!

8/8/05 19:40  
Blogger summer m. said...

@mwilli: i haven't smoked in a few weeks. sad, isn't it?

@jdid: thanx. for some reason, i knew you wouldn't need my little footnote.

@amadeo: my bad, homie.

@saf: you know this. glad you're happy with your vote.

@pookas: been a long time. thanx for voting for me.

8/8/05 23:10  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

I voted you funniest blog also, Summer...

9/8/05 08:00  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Summer: It has also been reported that Free Yourself by Fantasia has caused many parrots to just start cussing.

9/8/05 08:22  
Blogger summer m. said...

@miss jessi: thanx for the support.

9/8/05 18:25  

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