Monday, March 06, 2006

start a rumor monday: news briefs

(this shit had to be retyped, because blogger is a muthafucka.)
lights...camera...affirmative action


um...fuck the source awards. the oscars is the new black. if you thought cuba gooding, jr. hosting the naacp awards was the fucking craziest shit you ever did see (um...how did george lopez get nominated for an image award?), then odds are your black ass didn't watch the oscars last night. and boy did you miss it. yeah (comma) yo. your protests of not watching any award show not airing on b.e.t. or u.p.n. caused you to miss the most ridiculous shit to happen in the month of march--and it ain't even the ides yet, nigga.

in an upset that will go down in oscar history, three 6 mafia won an academy award last night for best original song ("it's hard out here for a pimp" from hustle and flow), beating out oscar favorite, dolly parton, and stunning white folk and "respectable" colored people everywhere.

did somebody stuff the ballot box? uh...no. but there were whispers the morning after. sources say that the academy was continuing its affirmative action policy which began a few years ago. "the academy didn't want to be considered racist because we let a white person win the first academy award for hip hop [eminem for "lose yourself"]," one hollywood insider said. so, they gave three 6 mafia the award to "even the playing field."

certain aspects of hip hop culture didn't come up until after the show was over, however. what's beef? in an apparent dis of their fellow tennesseean, when asked what they planned to do now that they had won an oscar, three 6 mafia responded, "we're going to dollywood."

i say dolly phones kenny rogers...do i smell a dis record?

wait til you see my (oh)

hollywood will milk something drier than queen latifah in a love scene with ll cool j. (thus, we can look forward to at least 4 more madea movies, big mama's house 3, and beyonce starring as an idiot in something.) with the three 6 mafia win, publicists for dreamworks released a statement saying that steven spielberg has sought out the ying yang twins' for his next project. if all goes well, the twins will score spielberg's next film. whispers in the holy land, an epic tale of the founding of the state of israel, is due out in the spring of 2007. *never get enough, never get enough...*


but the academy has to draw the line somewhere...


if you saw the shot of terrence howard after three 6 mafia's name was announced, i don't need to tell you that at that moment the nigga knew he was gonna lose in the best actor category. such suspicions were confirmed when fecundmellow caught up with yet another hollywood insider in the press room. "of course he wasn't going to win. the academy has standards, you know? the last few academy awards have been really good to black people, but let's face it, we've given you people awards for some highly problematic roles. you've been whores [halle berry, monster's ball], crooked cops [denzel washington, training day] and drug abusing womanizers [jamie foxx, ray]. we had to draw the line somewhere. a black man winning an academy award for playing a pimp? is it not obvious what we think of you people? besides, we gave that mafia group an oscar. ludacris introduced them and queen latifah gave them their award. and what were they wearing? footlocker? give a nigga a rope, and he wants to be a cowboy."

i couldn't have said it better myself.

and now... a non sequitor.
summer m. single?

that's the rumor on the street. just one week after posting pictures of herself and alleged girlfriend/fiancee/whatever phoenix, the paparazzi spotted summer m. heading to work in an "the internet is for lovers" t-shirt. are summer and phoenix no longer headed to the alter, er, city/county building to register their same-sex domestic partnership? sources close to the blogstar are keeping mum, but we think the shirt is a plea for some internet action--a cyber rebound, if you will. some believe summer m.'s incessant hateration and blogstar status took a toll on the young relationship.

when caught outside of a starbucks in seattle, phoenix simply said to reporters, "all she had to do was go to yoga."

hmpf. summer m. done gone and fucked up her own chi. her bad.


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

20 Comments:

Blogger Harold Gibson said...

You are on to something. That is exactly what I said when 3/6 won. Terence Howard ain't got a chance now.

On the other hand have you heard the latest? It seems that Miss Jessi is leaving her man on lock down for the one true clown, your intern me. I know how could I leave my long term spouse and our churren but any woman who loves her mistake by the lake is all right with me.

Now some may say that I am just copping Summer's self promotion. But let me assure you Jessi will soon be mine.

6/3/06 23:40  
Blogger Phoenix said...

hush your talking gul. you know i still love you. and since our ish was all polyamorous anyway, i ain't see why our (semi-)breakup was a big deal. (other than the fact that you're madly in love with me and couldn't bear the thought of me lovin' all hard up on whatsthemfaces).

i'm wiling to make it work if you are. drop a sista a line. and i'll hit you back after class.

7/3/06 01:08  
Blogger Hollambeeee said...

this post was great...GREAT i tellya...

7/3/06 07:53  
Blogger summer m. said...

@harold: sounds like a match made in blog heaven.

@phoenix: it was never the whatsthemfaces. it was the comparisons. don't act like you weren't all, "well, suchandsuch does this..." and, "suchandsuch...why don't you?"

but whatever it takes, baby. i want my cosmic girl back.

@holla: thanx, playa. i try.

7/3/06 10:31  
Blogger RoRicka said...

i'm just glad that the academy now recognizes that it's hard out here for a pimp.

great post!

7/3/06 11:16  
Blogger Morcy said...

I'm glad your fave movie of the year won for Best Picture, personally.

7/3/06 11:58  
Blogger nubian said...

that show was wack. 3 6 mafia is wack. minstrel theatre has been reborn

7/3/06 12:27  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

@harold--- you know i luh you boo... sorry summer, I just can't help myself...

I almost lost my shit when Three 6 won... and I know that EVERYBODY in the audience ost thier shit too... especially TH, cause he KNEW he had lost...

7/3/06 13:13  
Blogger nubian said...

god, i am single now too. sucks...

7/3/06 15:34  
Blogger Phoenix said...

*shine*-you know you're my wonderwall. let's quit smokin' the weed and the beadies and work this ish out. didn't you get my card in your laundry basket?

8/3/06 00:44  
Blogger summer m. said...

@morcy: why?

@nubian: did minstrel theatre ever die?

@miss jessi: it's cool. harold and i never consummated our shit.

@phoenix: *i said maybe/you're gonna be the one that saves me...*

i got your card. thing is, you ain't even have to go that far. all you had/have to do is say the word, and i'm yours.

uh, you had me at hello?

9/3/06 00:04  
Blogger Jdid said...

summer single again? say it aint so

9/3/06 05:31  
Blogger Phoenix said...

the word.

9/3/06 13:05  
Blogger Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

i will poly will you both ...hehehe

11/3/06 17:53  
Blogger summer m. said...

@jdid: yeah, man. that quickly.

@phoenix: i'm yours.

@kili: in order to poly you have to pass phoenix's exam. me? i'm pretty easy. i'll make both of you eggs (or somthing) in the morning.

11/3/06 22:52  
Blogger Phoenix said...

*kili* please submit your application to summer and i'll review it in person when i come to the a. thanks for the offer. possibilities are endless...

12/3/06 00:49  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so what happened?? Has it really ended.

12/3/06 12:46  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

jeeze louize people. can't you see that summer and phoenix are really together and they're just stringing us along for shits and giggles. yeah yeah, summer's a cute, popular blog star who likes to pretentd that she doesn't have girls throwing cyber panties at her left and right. i don't know much about phoenix but it seems like they got together, stayed together and enjoy playing this whole cat and mouse game just to get us excited.

i say we need to let the happy couple be and who ever is interested in crashing the party should submit an app. (as phoenix suggested above). other than that, maybe all of us other ladies in cyberland who have crushes on summer can just continue to fantasize about the possibilities.

12/3/06 12:50  
Blogger summer m. said...

@anon: iono if it really ended--or even began. phoenix won't come clean. she loves me. she loves me not. if she tells you what's up, let me know.

@anon (again): *looks around for owners of various cyber panties* what panties?

and, um, like i just said earlier, phoenix be playing ya girl. i say all these cyber crushes make themselves known, and holla at me. even if phoenix and i are together (are/were we?) she's all about the polyamory. if she's gonna let me play, i say meet me at the sandbox, no?

12/3/06 17:26  
Blogger Phoenix said...

(*rolls eyes*)

13/3/06 07:54  

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