start a rumor monday: news briefs

(this shit had to be retyped, because blogger is a muthafucka.)
lights...camera...affirmative action

um...fuck the source awards. the oscars is the new black. if you thought cuba gooding, jr. hosting the naacp awards was the fucking craziest shit you ever did see (um...how did george lopez get nominated for an image award?), then odds are your black ass didn't watch the oscars last night. and boy did you miss it. yeah (comma) yo. your protests of not watching any award show not airing on b.e.t. or u.p.n. caused you to miss the most ridiculous shit to happen in the month of march--and it ain't even the ides yet, nigga.

in an upset that will go down in oscar history, three 6 mafia won an academy award last night for best original song ("it's hard out here for a pimp" from hustle and flow), beating out oscar favorite, dolly parton, and stunning white folk and "respectable" colored people everywhere.

did somebody stuff the ballot box? uh...no. but there were whispers the morning after. sources say that the academy was continuing its affirmative action policy which began a few years ago. "the academy didn't want to be considered racist because we let a white person win the first academy award for hip hop [eminem for "lose yourself"]," one hollywood insider said. so, they gave three 6 mafia the award to "even the playing field."

certain aspects of hip hop culture didn't come up until after the show was over, however. what's beef? in an apparent dis of their fellow tennesseean, when asked what they planned to do now that they had won an oscar, three 6 mafia responded, "we're going to dollywood."

i say dolly phones kenny rogers...do i smell a dis record?

wait til you see my (oh)

hollywood will milk something drier than queen latifah in a love scene with ll cool j. (thus, we can look forward to at least 4 more madea movies, big mama's house 3, and beyonce starring as an idiot in something.) with the three 6 mafia win, publicists for dreamworks released a statement saying that steven spielberg has sought out the ying yang twins' for his next project. if all goes well, the twins will score spielberg's next film. whispers in the holy land, an epic tale of the founding of the state of israel, is due out in the spring of 2007. *never get enough, never get enough...*


but the academy has to draw the line somewhere...

if you saw the shot of terrence howard after three 6 mafia's name was announced, i don't need to tell you that at that moment the nigga knew he was gonna lose in the best actor category. such suspicions were confirmed when fecundmellow caught up with yet another hollywood insider in the press room. "of course he wasn't going to win. the academy has standards, you know? the last few academy awards have been really good to black people, but let's face it, we've given you people awards for some highly problematic roles. you've been whores [halle berry, monster's ball], crooked cops [denzel washington, training day] and drug abusing womanizers [jamie foxx, ray]. we had to draw the line somewhere. a black man winning an academy award for playing a pimp? is it not obvious what we think of you people? besides, we gave that mafia group an oscar. ludacris introduced them and queen latifah gave them their award. and what were they wearing? footlocker? give a nigga a rope, and he wants to be a cowboy."

i couldn't have said it better myself.

and now... a non sequitor.
summer m. single?
that's the rumor on the street. just one week after posting pictures of herself and alleged girlfriend/fiancee/whatever phoenix, the paparazzi spotted summer m. heading to work in an "the internet is for lovers" t-shirt. are summer and phoenix no longer headed to the alter, er, city/county building to register their same-sex domestic partnership? sources close to the blogstar are keeping mum, but we think the shirt is a plea for some internet action--a cyber rebound, if you will. some believe summer m.'s incessant hateration and blogstar status took a toll on the young relationship.

when caught outside of a starbucks in seattle, phoenix simply said to reporters, "all she had to do was go to yoga."

hmpf. summer m. done gone and fucked up her own chi. her bad.