Monday, May 01, 2006

start a rumor monday: and the plot thickens...


rabbits still stewing over discrimination.

just two weeks after the celebration of easter, bunnies united for garnering social success, or bugss has released the findings of what they've called "the easter study." over five years, researchers observed and documented "discriminatory practices" in shopping malls throughout the united states. according to bugss' findings, non-white rabbits have rarely, if ever, been employed by shopping malls during the easter season; while white rabbits have received 99.9% of the highly sought after and coveted position of shopping mall easter bunny.

"for the past five years we have sent non-white rabbits with impeccable resumes to more than 75 shopping centers throughout the united states," p. cottontail, president and ceo of bugss said during a press conference early this morning. "we also sent white rabbits with less stellar credentials to interview at these same malls. on every occasion but one, the white rabbits were chosen over their better qualified, darker counterparts. the statistics don't lie. this is blatant discrimination that has gone unnoticed for way too long. it is time for these bastions of american capitalism to wake up and address their unfair practices. we believe our lawsuit will aid in arousing these sleeping giants."

the litigious dispute, which even names mall building giants such as the rouse company and simon, does more than just shout discrimination. the suit is accompanied by a 200-page document where researchers have chronicled the "perpetual disrespect of of the rabbit." part of the text reads:
from cartoons to folk tales, the rabbit has been continuously negatively represented in the media. it is as if the rabbit has been dealt a bad hand by a cheating dealer. despite the presence of characters such as rabbit in the winnie the pooh stories, bunnies have been perpetually portrayed as slick talking, hubristically arrogant, baby making machines with a penchant for con artistry and trickery. these images have been tattooed upon the american psyche. as a result, rabbits have been discriminated against and disrespected in numerous societal institutions. the easter bunny industry is no exception.
though the mall industry has yet to formally acknowledge or respond to the allegations, buggs and others are very confident. "we will win," says bunny foo foo, founder and president of the feminist bunny trail industries, who has joined bugss in their lawsuit. "the discrimination is so blatant, no one can continue to ignore it. change will soon come." along with several grass roots organizations, the naacp and the rev. jesse jackson's rainbow/PUSH coalition can be counted as bugss supporters.

a march is expected.

the secret society of tortoises intends to protest the protest.

other easter disses:
jesus as groundhog


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

19 Comments:

Blogger Amadeo said...

Where does Ricochet Rabbit stand on all of this...does that mean Bugs Bunny is a house rabbit...or the one who made it.

1/5/06 13:17  
Blogger Karsh said...

Ricochet was clearly a shermhead. Ping-ping-ping! Damn, now that I think about it, I did have that same 33 1/3 you've got represented up there.

Just when you thought racism couldn't get any more racismer!

1/5/06 13:56  
Anonymous lanee' said...

lanee'
bienvenida! viva la brown bunnies!how are finals going, chica?

1/5/06 21:02  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Excuse me, I am not Harold Gibson but his dutiful wife of over two decades. I read your rumor and for the life of me, I do not see what my brain damaged hubby sees in you.

But let me get something straight with you right now. Don't make me go woman to woman with you over that idiot.

Girlfriend, I found this note that the brainless one was writing to you. This better be a joke or somebody is in deep doo.

Have a great day

Priscilla L. Gibson

This is what lover man sent you.

Hey sweet-thing!

You takin good care of Sumhar? I am ready with Merold whenever you are.

1/5/06 21:03  
Blogger Phoenix said...

fight! fight! fight! fight!

1/5/06 21:51  
Blogger summer m. said...

@amadeo: listen to karsh.

@karsh: agreed.

@lanee': i don't do finals. thanx for asking, though.

@priscilla/harold: you can keep your idiot. i'm all ga ga over phoenix.

@phoenix: stop instigating. you may be wrestling champion, but the only reason you still got the belt was 'cause you was scurred. act like ya know, playa.

1/5/06 22:35  
Anonymous lanee' said...

my bad, summertime. no disrespect. i stand embarrassedly corrected. glad to see you back though.

1/5/06 22:59  
Blogger Lee said...

Personally, I am very disappointed that you completely ignored Thumper's pointed comments about the exploitation of undocumented bunnies.

2/5/06 00:23  
Blogger Karsh said...

Don't forget about the whole duck discrimination suit. Sure, Donald and Scrooge McDuck and Huey, Dewey and Louie get plenty of play, but my nigga Daffy? WB treated him like shit!

*drops mic*

2/5/06 08:24  
Blogger Jdid said...

you're back with a bang

2/5/06 10:04  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

welcome back, sum sum. this is pretty good stuff.

rrrr

2/5/06 12:48  
Anonymous kortney said...

from cartoons to folk tales, the rabbit has been continuously negatively represented in the media. it is as if the rabbit has been dealt a bad hand by a cheating dealer. despite the presence of characters such as rabbit in the winnie the pooh stories, bunnies have been perpetually portrayed as slick talking, hubristically arrogant, baby making machines with a penchant for con artistry and trickery. these images have been tattooed upon the american psyche. as a result, rabbits have been discriminated against and disrespected in numerous societal institutions. the easter bunny industry is no exception.



that is the greatest!

2/5/06 13:47  
Blogger summer m. said...

@lanee': it's all good.

@lee: you're right. i was totally remiss.

@karsh: right again.

@jdid: thanx.

@rrrr: gracias.

@kortney: 'preciate ya.

2/5/06 19:18  
Blogger Phoenix said...

look at all 'em thank yous. i'm proud summer m. (like joe public says, "you've got to live and learn, before your bridge is burned...LARGE! large. if large is how you're living...are you taking what is givin' to you...)

okay. i got a little crunk. you know what i mean.

kudos.

3/5/06 00:59  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Hey Summer forgive Priscilla (hot flashes!) It's great to see you back.

I explained to her it was a blog thing not a real thing and who you are. She apologizes (this woman fights likes Alexis Carrington anyway)

Just one question did you call me an idiot?

3/5/06 07:12  
Blogger Spook said...

I'm am so tired of those Negro rabbits and bunnies always complaining! Why can't they be satisfied with being eaten on Easter Sunday by good little white Christian Children! And if it where not for us white civilized rabbits and bunnies they would still be running around the jungles!

3/5/06 17:26  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

man, its good to see you back.. hopefully well rested?

3/5/06 18:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm glad to see anonymous #1 calmed down. s/he was gettin' mighty crunk up in this piece. it takes calm, cool, colected anonymous' to know that you're just two fishes doin' what you do.

good to see you 'round these parts again summer.

4/5/06 00:34  
Blogger **RPM** said...

This was brilliant!

7/5/06 08:39  

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