Monday, May 08, 2006

start a rumor monday: summer m. the lost weeks

the (long awaited?) interview

in what seemed like the most chappellian move since, well, dave chappelle, several weeks ago, blogstar summer m. apparently walked away from her blog at the zenith of its popularity. in what seemed like less time than it took britney to get knocked again, summer m. went from providing the public with the most thought-provoking and humorous diatribes on popular culture to leaving sporadic and occasionally non-sensical posts to fecundmellow.

last week, summer m. hit 'em with da hee with a killa rumor on rabbits and racism. at the time, she offered no explanation as to where she'd been for the last 5 weeks. finally, fecundmellow was able to track down its author and have a bit of a chat. here's the interview:

fecundmellow: bitch, are you crazy?
summer m.: no, i ain't crazy. i'm definitely stressed out, but i'm not crazy.

fecundmellow: there have been a lot of rumors circulating about where you've been and what you've been up to. are you willing to answer questions about those things?
summer m.: absolutely.

fecundmellow: ok. first, did you really have a child with harold gibson?
summer m: are you fucking serious? you've seen me. if anything, harold would be pregnant with my baby. in fact, that nigga told me he wanted to have my baby and shit. now most folks would find that problematic and troubling, but i just told that cat to take a number. you know how many cyber panty droppers i got trying to be on my squad right now? and this disappearing acts shit got 'em lined up like i'm passing out free fried chicken.

fecundmellow: are you in a romantic relationship?
summer m.: please stop reading my myspace profile as some sort of factual document.

fecundmellow: and the south africa rumor?
summer m.: is it me, or does it seem like nelson mandela is always wearing the same shirt?

fecundmellow: another rumor we heard was that you'd gone to seattle on a spiritual pilgrimage. alleged eyewitnesses claim to have seen you doing yoga in a yurt?
summer m.: [slightly irascible] i ain't never been in a yurt or done no yoga!!! where'd you hear that? them niggas is lyin' on me.

fecundmellow: so you were in seattle?
summer m.: i've visited the specific northwest before.

fecundmellow: this leads me to my next question. rumor has it that despite an alleged moment of honesty in a previous blog entry you have the hots for phoenix?
summer m.: the hots? where did you learn to talk? phoenix has moved on. at least, that's what the police told me when they served me with a restraining order. [brief, slightly melancholy pause] I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!

fecundmellow: were you doing your schoolwork?
summer m.: *laughs uncontrollably.*

fecundmellow: and you weren't kidnapped by oprah or kanye west?
summer m.: briefly. but they realized no one would pay a ransom for me.

fecundmellow: well, where the fuck have you been?
summer m.: in your sister's bed?

fecundmellow: i'ma fuck you up.
summer m.: am i being threatened by my own doppelganger?

fecundmellow: you keep fucking with me, and you'll be seeing a physical therapist, too.
summer m.: speaking of, do you think i should bring this whole interview thing up in my next session?

fecundmellow: will you just tell the people what you've been doing?

summer m.: recording my album.

fecundmellow: you've recorded an album?
summer m.: no, not really.

fecundmellow: will you at least be honest with the people?
summer m.: i'd actually prefer to hear what the people have to say about my absence. i'm a woman of the people. besides, their lies are much more entertaining. i say we open this up a little, make the rumor more democratic, you know?

fecundmellow: this is the biggest waste of webspace ever known to human kind.
summer m.: even more of a waste than well i'll be damned to hell.

fecundmellow: one can only pray for such things to actually happen.
summer m.: i heard that.

on the real, happy burfday (go shawty) to harold and phoenix.

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger Miss Jessi said...

You do realize that you not only are talking to yourself, but answering as well... please brng this up in therapy...

Naw, but for real, thank you for bringing your absence to light.. and mad props for the Unsolved Mysteries photo... classic.

9/5/06 16:24  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

thanks for the b-day shout out. I am having a Sally Field moment...You really like me!!!!

9/5/06 23:31  
Blogger Lee said...

You were really in Seattle? I was just there a couple weekends ago. I love that city, even though I grew up there.

10/5/06 10:58  
Blogger Phoenix said...

hey honey, thanks for the seattle, um, i mean birthday shout out. (under all the unforseen circumstances) thanks for making it a great one.

and..."moving on"...well, it's all relative, ain't it? you know youre the only one with that special place in my heart.

anyway, you got more cyber panties drip/droppin' than i'd ever know how to count. you know i'm not a great competitor.

glad you're back anyway...

10/5/06 13:20  
Blogger Phoenix said...

oh shit! i've been looking at that picture for mad long and i just realized where it was from!

well, hot damn!

10/5/06 13:35  
Blogger N2Meself said...

I like reading what you type because my mind doesn't know if even your serious sounding blogs are "real".

Thank you for being yourself~

10/5/06 16:51  
Blogger summer m. said...

@miss jessi: i don't think i brought anything to light. do you?

@lee: yeah, in april. i had a great time.

@phoenix: i don't care about those cyber panty droppers. i'm just into you. gimme the green light and i'll go wherever you want me.

@n2meself: thanx for dropping by. 'preciate cha.

word up.

10/5/06 21:46  

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