Tuesday, April 12, 2005

i can be your hero, baby

so yesterday, i was cooking dinner (okay, well, fixing schwan's fried rice), and i got to thinking, 'what kind of super hero would i be?' i came up with the following:

name: ms. anthrope

location: the city of akademia

alter ego: summer mcd.

supersuit: a red t-shirt with a middle finger on the front, a black power fist on the back in the center of a green outline of africa; dark blue jeans (held up by a little earth seatbelt); a fresh pair of suede red, black and green pumas.

super powers: ability to instantiate in a single bound; freestyle rappin'; putting pressure and problematizing loaded/empty terms; sensing and stopping bullshit before it happens; invisiblity.

motto: 'nigga, please!'

weakness(es): pretty women who want to sleep with me (for whatever reason); theory; poisonous red kool-aid

transportation: a 6-speed, diamond graphite infiniti g35 coupe, all chromed out with them sprewells for shoes (they spinnin', nigga, they spinnin'!).

cool gadgets: a 'wrap it up' box; an ipod; bookbag with lots of inside pockets.

hideout: the ivory tower.

nemesis: the professoriat, a group of bullshittin'-ass black professors and alleged publik intellektuals, led by the evil professor racekard

sidekick: a white bichon frise that goes by the alias, naleezy the killer dog.

superhero affiliations: personality chix.

theme song: jean grae's, 'hater's anthem'

back story: in 1982, while trying to retrace the footsteps of their ancestors on the underground railroad, the former black nationalist parents of then 2-year old summer mcd. were both struck by an oncoming semi-truck as they gazed up into the smog-ridden sky looking for the north star in the middle of i-69. her mother almost escaped, but she fell into a rather large pothole that had been obscured from her vision by her quite long kente cloth dress. orphaned, summer mcd. was sent to live with brenda, a young, but loving woman who worked at the phone company in fort wayne, indiana, who'd seen the story on the evening news. though brought up in publik skool, summer mcd's uncanny ability to track and end bullshit was immediately evident. this skill, however, created anger and controversy by those she outed, and summer mcd. was forced to keep her supernatural ability under wraps, and for the most part she was allowed to do so, as bullshit in fort wayne was often minor and innocuous.

then, a 22 year old summer mcd. struck out for the big city: akademia. her mother, brenda warned her of the pitfalls and dangers of such a city, but summer felt she must help humankind survive the bullshit seemingly spewing from everywhere. she used her trust fund to build the ivory tower, and spent her days pretending to be an english ph.d. student in the belly of the beast, while fighting bullshit during workshops and akademik conferences. she spends most of her time fighting off the bullshit of her arch enemies, the professoriat and the evil professor racekard. they want to capture and brainwash her to become one of them. though the struggle gets tougher and more dangerous as our superheroine gets deeper and deeper into the belly, she vows to, 'keep it real.'

what kind of super hero would you be?

(btw, if you all dug tick me off tuesday, lemme know. i might keep it as a feature.)

oh, and sorry about the late edition 'start a rumor'. i hear it's a classic. you can read, just scroll...
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language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger Alii said...

I thought, you know, that maybe summer was exaggerating about her personality chix clique...um no..They are for-real joined at the hip. I don't recall seeing any one of them loose without the company of the other two. They travel in a klump..its really kinda funny.

13/4/05 00:08  
Blogger Jdid said...

i'm got to think of what hero i'd be but yea this one is cool. ms. anthrope got it going on.

what kind of weakness is pretty women though? maybe we can get a scientest to devise you some special goggles to make all of them look ugly or something like that.

13/4/05 05:53  
Blogger PonderingNegro said...

Hmmmm.... I'd be Big Booty Belinda... able to bust up crime and conquer the worlds evils in one booty clap.

14/4/05 01:58  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

15/4/05 22:57  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ummm, I don't know if I like Alii's comment about the personality chix.

A clump? That would make us an indistinguishable mass of black beyotch, which we are not.

Close, yes, but three very distinct women, don't doubt.

And on the matter of us chilling at the conference (cause I'm assuming that's where you saw us), not even trying to be funny but it seemed to me like we were some of the only black women up in that bitch any real solidarity (even if it was just with each other), MFs on the mic calling people whores and shit. That shit ain't sisterhood.

So, don't be hating on us, if that's what you're doing. Just 'cause we got our own thang like Heavy D and the Boyz.

When you meet cool peoples at the U of C (where people with interests outside of academia come to realize grad school might not be for them), you gotta stick close.

15/4/05 22:59  

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