Tuesday, April 05, 2005

tick me off tuesday
perhaps the beginning of another weekly series, but we'll see.


so i was reading spin magazine today (i don't think i've ever read spin magazine before, but procrastination makes you do silly, silly things), and i read some bullshit that kinda pissed me off. well, not really, but i just have no tolerance for stupidity and whatnot. anyway, i thought i'd share it with you--whoever you are (forgive me, but the stats say that my blog has sunk in popularity. oh well. i digress...). anyway, according to my afternoon reading:

said it all, all falls down

allegedly, kanye west is producing tracks for lauryn hill's new album. jesus (walks). you know, back in the summer/fall of '98, i pledged to love lauryn hill the mostest, even if she shit on wax and sold it at best buy. but l-boogie is really testing my loyalty here. fuck common, saf, this is why we should really pissed. (ok, maybe just me.) i just hope she has sense enough not to let him talk on any of her tracks and/or direct any of her videos. the completion of her new album brings good and bad news. the good news: another fugees album (and maybe a tour!?!?!). the bad news: the fugees also consist of wyclef and pras.

the world according to 50 cent

50 cent cracks me up. i mean, on one hand, i just can't deal with him. on the other hand, i know at least a few bars to most of his songs. anyway, i thought i'd share with you some of 50's philosophy as revealed in his spin interview:
  • he wrote 'candy shop' because he didn't think the male perspective was well represented in hip hop. that is, he felt that the male perspective (when it comes to sex) is often obscene. he therefore wrote his lyrics without obscenities. you be the judge.
  • he also wrote 'candy shop' as a song that was accessible to children. meaning, he wanted children to be able to sing the lyrics without really knowing what they mean. that way, when lil boys say, 'i'll let you lick the lollipop' to lil girls, they're really talking about suckers. i believe this is what my girl, saf would call nig logic.
  • for 50 cent, selling records is like selling drugs.
  • he also videotapes all his sexual encounters with a surveillance camera. you know, for legal purposes. (don't worry, he warns folks when they enter the hotel room or wherever he bones.)
there she blows! or, moby, you're a dick.

other than 'porcelain,' as a general rule, i don't really fuck with moby. but when you're procrastinating, you read whatever. anyway, i'm reading this interview and as always moby is on some righteous bullshit which was expected and is fine i guess. but then i get to the end of the interview. moby is asked about this cafe in ny that he's invested in; i guess he's been spending a lot of time working there or whatever. he talked a little about this endeavor, and then proceeded to talk about how he didn't really understand how and/or why celebrities give their names and likeness to ventures when they're not really involved. he cited beyonce's linkage with tommy hilfiger as an example of this. which is cool. whatever. he made his point.

but it didn't end there. the interviewer then suggested that a moby/beyonce beef would be kinda dope (recall: eminem had issues with moby a little while back). but moby replied, and i quote, 'oh, it wouldn't be good, because then all of a sudden jay-z and damon dash would be involved. i'd find myself in the bottom of the hudson river.' w-t-f? i can't even begin to unpack this ignorance. even if he was joking--and for the record, i cannot imagine moby being funny--this shit is not at all humorous. and this nigga thinks he sooo fucking deep. in fact, just because of his stupidity, i wouldn't even be mad if somebody engaged in some mob-like activities that starred his pasty, bald ass. of course, he'd prolly say he was misquoted, misrepresented, or something like that. moby: dick.

oh, and for the record...

if mcdonald's decides to extend its offer of 1-5 bux per mention to bloggers, i have the following response:

big mac, mcd l.t., a quarter pounder with some cheese, filet o fish, a hamburger, cheeseburger, happy meal, mcnuggets, tasty golden french fries--regular and larger sizes, salad: chef or garden, or a chicken salad, oriental, big big breakfast, egg mcmuffin, hot hot cakes and sausage, maybe biscuits, bacon, egg, and cheese, coffee, danish, hashbrowns, too....

or maybe just:

big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac big mac...

i'm just playin', moya. (unless they really wanna pay my broke ass.)


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

6 Comments:

Blogger MB said...

cold blooded (sung like Rick James)!


see you in chi town!

5/4/05 23:05  
Blogger Safire said...

Maybe your popularity has sunk because you taunt your readers (Moya)...

Naw, just kidding. Loved the crack about Fugees. Always thought Clef should have stayed on the boards, and that Praz was the extraneous mutha fucka that they chilled with in school, and couldn't figure out a nice way to break to his ass that he was wack.

50 Cent is a master of nig logic. Just the idea he has that he can rap alone. Prime example.

And Moby really is a pretentious mutha fucka that needs to stop stereotyping people on some bullshit. He's just mad because Beyonce, Jay, and Dame are all more famous than he is.

6/4/05 00:45  
Blogger Jdid said...

50 cents is stupid. candy shop for the kids ok right.
moby is also an idiot.
lauryn i cant deal with after her last album. sorry but just because her kids are marleys dont make her the reincarnation of bob. fugees reunion album, i shudder

and why's the blog less popular?

6/4/05 09:21  
Blogger summer m. said...

man, i dunno why my blog is lame again.

i mean, i really thought 'not by the hairs of my schinny schin schin' was kinda clever.

guess not.

6/4/05 11:13  
Blogger MB said...

and i put you on my blog, w/o asking, what?!

6/4/05 14:12  
Blogger solitaire said...

I looooved the fact that you called Moby a 'nigga'. You make me proud! I busted a damn gut.

9/4/05 18:22  

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