Monday, April 25, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

in brief: tyquon 6x finds image of t.h.e.m. in pork chop sandwich

less than 72 hours after an image of the virgin mary was seen under the kennedy expressway in chicago, il (fecundmellow's exit of all exits), nation of islam member, tyquon 6x discovered an image of the honorable elijah muhammad (the first leader of the n.o.i.) in his pork chop sandwich.

'i was eating my so-called dinner when i noticed that my haphazard bite marks had created an image of the honorable elijah muhammad,' tyquon 6x said during a the nation of islam's public access show, bean pies, bow ties, and allah. 'the so-called white man would have me believe that what i saw was mere happenstance and a fluke. but in my estimation, the manifestation of the honorable elijah muhammad figuration in my chosen provision for sustentation is an affirmation that allah is--if i may borrow a quotation from my christian brothers still worshipping that blue-eyed devil, the so-called jesus of nazareth--the only way, truth, and light.'

though in recent history, christian figures have allegedly appeared in food--including a figure of jesus in a fish stick, an image of mother teresa in a cinnamon bun, the virgin mary in a grilled cheese (sold on ebay for $28k), and the baby jesus in popcorn (bidding on ebay began at $250)-- this is the first time that any such figures associated with islam have been reported.

the sandwich, preserved in a yellow and blue makes green ziploc bag, has been on display since last saturday. as of yet, no one has kissed or touched the sandwich. one mother was overheard saying, 'i seen how them catholics or whatever been kissing that stain under the highway. i mean, it look like him [elijah muhammad] and all, but i ain't 'bout to have my baby touch that sandwich. i knew tyquon 6x when he was just tyquon jenkins. i know where his mouth been.'

followers have also not left flowers, paintings and candles by the image as so many catholics have under the kennedy expressway (at fecundmellow's exit OF ALL EXITS!), yet enough african americans did show up at mosque 420 on chicago's south side to throw an impromptu barbecue and family reunion. if turn out continues to be this high, leaders of the n.o.i. have confirmed the minister louis farrakhan's intention to hold a million watts car stereo march in the mosque's parking lot.

mr. 6x has already placed the item for sale on ebay. as of this morning, the highest bid was 10 bean pies, 3 bootleg dvds of soul plane, 7 bow ties, and a vintage copy of muhammad speaks. though fecundmellow could not obtain a photo of the so-called pork chop sandwich, it has been confirmed that the meat in between the bread was in fact pig, and not chicken as some had suspected.

no word yet as to whether or not bro. tyquon will be reprimanded for partaking of the swine.


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

7 Comments:

Blogger Jdid said...

i knew tyquon 6x when he was just tyquon jenkins. i know where his mouth been.'

classic!

25/4/05 12:47  
Blogger Stephanie said...

summer... i'm serious.. you should submit some of these rumors for publication on The Onion. they're really smart.

25/4/05 16:19  
Blogger deshi said...

LMAO!!! hahaha... a pork chop sandwich? you know i'm laughing my ass off.
good one grasshopper.

25/4/05 17:02  
Blogger btrfly_locs said...

You know you are wrong, right? LOL

Is there really a throng of people on the side of the highway looking at the underpass? Come to think of it, is it at the exit that is by Target? That is my old neighborhood!!

26/4/05 11:12  
Blogger summer m. said...

@stephanie: thanx. maybe i'll do that, it'll launch me to stardom, and i can quit this bullshit program.

@btrfly: yep, that's the exit.

26/4/05 12:27  
Blogger Safire said...

"Partaking of the swine" - oh my God! I really do think you've outdone yourself with this one. I really do.

26/4/05 12:51  
Anonymous studpoet said...

lol okay i'm convinced you have serious problems! i love your "start a rumor..." entries. And I agree you should submit these to The Onion!

28/4/05 14:29  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home