Monday, April 18, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

kanye upset for not being nominated for 'best new pope'

kanye west is mad. really mad. and you know what happens when lil ye gets mad. that's right, he holds a press conference and throws a temper tantrum for the whole world to see. it seems that mr. west caught wind of the impending election of a new pope, and he's upset for not being nominated for the position. he told reporters, 'i can't believe i wasn't at least nominated. those cardinals know how god {sic?} i look in white. they straight dick clarked me, and i'm not going to keep quiet about it.'

for those of the fecundmellow reading public that don't recall, last february, west refused to apologize to dick clark after not winning any american music awards, though he did grab three grammys. it seems that garnering the music industry's most pretigious award did not assuage the wound; west still didn't back down from some of his prior comments about clark and the american music awards, 'i do not apologize to dick clark or the amas because you should not have had me perform and have me nominated for so many awards but not have an award.'

apparently, west doesn't think his limited eloquence {as illustrated in the above quote}, lack of knowledge of other languages {pope john paul ii spoke several}, or the fact that he's not a priest or affiliated with the catholic church in any way were acceptable reasons for what he calls a 'deliberate snub' by the vatican. 'all that talk about me not being catholic or whatever just doesn't make up for not nominating me. jesus recruited me to produce his album and he named me to replace judas as a disciple. if anybody should be pope, it's kanye west.'

when a reporter asked west if his lack of expertise in the catholic religion might have had something to do with not nominating him, that nigga ye had this quick retort, 'i had never directed a music video until i did john legend's "ordinary people". you see how that came out. i know i got popin' skills. a white man just don't want a nigga to shine. it's their loss, though. the vatican woulda got five mics if they'da fucked with me.'

yeah, five mics and a music video with a pope pimp slappin' and nun.

as of 5pm central standard time, a new pope had not been elected, but west had been added to the 'list of nominees'. {nah, i'm just blowing smoke up your ass. get it?}

-----------------------------
in a semi-related, yet true story, last weekend, when saf, traci, nahmix, and i were walking down michigan avenue, some random black man walked by and said the following, 'john paul pope laying on the table with some snakeskin shoes on.'

that's the funniest shit i've heard all month.


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

6 Comments:

Blogger Morcy said...

Kanye can get his popin' on without being a priest, but he does kind of have to be Catholic. I wonder how quickly he can get baptised? Probably wouldn't be that hard.

In any case, I forsee about a week of white smoke---I think the RCC is gonna think this one hard and through. It's too bad that, by virtue of the isolation of the Conclave, the cardinals won't be able to learn of M. West's conversion! Oh, Kanye! Oh, humanity!

19/4/05 00:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

funny as shit. Ye's jaws definitely match his ego.

-Erin
erin.glasco@gmail.com

19/4/05 10:25  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

Yet another CLASSIC rumor... I love it!

19/4/05 10:47  
Blogger BrownSuga said...

This post made me cry...from laughin...this was hilarious!

And I really think they did have that man out there with some snakeskin shoes on...LoL!

19/4/05 15:06  
Blogger Jdid said...

hey Kanye got KKK dudes in his jesus walks video (the one BET doesnt play but is played in Canada)and those kkk hats look long and pointy like the pope's headpiece. so that means ye got some experience he should be nominated. :-)

19/4/05 16:24  
Blogger Safire said...

I am just now seeing that you shouted out ol' dude from downtown on this post. I swear, that shit really was the funniest. And to go to Walgreen's, pick up that People and see that JPP did have on snake skins? That made it that much more hilarious. Classic!

26/4/05 12:57  

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