Thursday, May 12, 2005

fecundmellow presents: summer m.'s favorite white men
last weekend, i was talking to saf and josiah about some random shit, and the topic of white dudes came up. i have no idea why, but i started thinking about my favorite white men (read: white men i can semi-tolerate). coming up with this list was tough, but for you, my reading public, i'll endure (faulkner swipe). i'm sure there's a white guy or two you might be able to stand. ok, maybe not.

mark twain: oh yeah, my main man mark twizzle. mark twain is my nigga, i can't front. not only did he write like the greatest american novel ever (huck finn), he was also a funny muthafucka. not only that, but here's some knowledge for you: mark twain is (in)directly connected to the civil rights movement. see, walter t. mcguinn was the first black graduate of yale law school. before setting up legal practice in baltimore, md., however, it seems walt was having some problems. mark twain wrote yale a letter, and proceeded to pay the tuition for the financially struggling mcguinn. mcguinn would later mentor a young thurgood marshall, who as we all know, went on to serve as legal counsel for the brown v. board trial, and subsequently became the first black supreme court justice (later replaced by clarence thomas. ugh!). how 'bout them apples?

perhaps in a sense this might be some white patriarchy shit, but to simply deem it as such would be some bullshit.

william faulkner: for those of you who don't know, the very title of this blog (fecundmellow) comes from wild billy f. i guess when he couldn't find a sufficient term he made up one. anyway, i have a love/hate relationship with this southern boy. i mean, shit. sometimes i'm on some, 'william faulkner is a literary genius shit.' other days i'm on some, 'william faulkner was a crazy drunk.' iono. i go back and forth. i love him; i hate him. i still don't understand every aspect of "the bear" or absalom, absalom!. but i do know this: whenever i think about quitting my bullshit-ass ph.d. program, i think about billy, and how he's one of the few writers that remind me of why i put myself through this. people often say freud cast a helluva shadow on the 20th century. i'm convinced that faulkner cast a pretty big one, too. all the writers that mean anything to me are in dialogue with him, imho. oh, i love my billy f., the drunk genius.

' battle is ever won...they are not even fought. the field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools.' --jason compson to quentin compson

hall and oates: i wasn't sure if i was gonna go with them or steely dan. but since i sorta grew up on hall and oates' music, and discovered steely dan much later, i thought i'd put them up. i loooove these dudes. 'sarah smile' and 'she's gone' good lawd these boys got soul! as a kid, i remember watching their videos on mtv, i would dance my ass off to them, jamming with my michael jackson microphone. hall and oates= the shit. 'cept i wish john oates would grow back his mustache. he looks funny without it.

phil jackson: as a young child, one of my biggest worries was whether or not michael jordan would win an n.b.a. championship. you have no idea how stressful it is to watch your favorite player get his ass kicked every single year by the bad boy detroit pistons. (to this day, i despise isiah thomas, et. al.) then uncle phil showed up and took mj to the promised land--6 times. mostly, i love how he'll just sit down on the bench and cross his legs like he doesn't give a fuck. it makes everybody so damn mad. we need you back in the league, uncle phil.

"g.q." pat riley: the cleanest white man on the planet, i tell you. to continue on my basketball track, riles brought me showtime in the '80s. watching majic and worthy was great and all, but i really dug riles' style. nigga was always clean. hair all slicked back, perfectly tailored suit. impressive. coola than a polar bear's toenails.

robert deniro: what white (ethnic) man more blatantly exhibits his festishization of the black female body more than the young vito corleone? i mean, on one level, i could be upset and problematize such things. on the other, i gotta chuckle when he shows up at the naacp awards (is he a member? if not, he should be). he also starred in my all-time fave mob movie, a bronx tale.

he was sooo fly in the godfather ii.

i'm done.

fecundmellow essentializes regardless of race, color, creed, sex, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, et. al.

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger Nick Davis said...

De Niro directed A Bronx Tale, too, so you can double double the love on that front.

Meanwhile, when can I look forward to receiving my fecundmellow®/Personality Chix® Handbook for getting on this list? I won't expect to start for the team, but let me know how I can at least attempt to ride the bench.

12/5/05 16:28  
Blogger nahmix said...

I love De Niro and Hall & Oates!!!

12/5/05 17:19  
Blogger summer m. said...

@nick: by default you are one of my favorite white men. (i would say fave, but i have a suspicion that there are other white men who read this blog, and they might think i'm playing favorites just because you wrote me a fan letter and love 'the root' as much as i do.)

12/5/05 19:27  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am also a big Phil Jackson fan. I love how he was like "fuck Kobe," when everyone else in the LA operation was licking his ass.

I have tried and tried to fuck with Billy F., but alas and alack...I fuck with Toni Morrison instead.

12/5/05 22:32  
Blogger Nick Davis said...

@Summer: I hereby vow to take my responsibilities as a Default Favorite White Man seriously. This gives me something to live up to.

@Safire: Not even As I Lay Dying? Not even Absalom, Absalom? I wouldn't want a world where you had to pick between Faulkner and Morrison, but I'm with Summer that not only is Faulkner the creme de la creme, but we wouldn't have most of my fave writers (Morrison, Flannery O'Connor, Gayl Jones, Tennessee Williams, Adrienne Kennedy, Suzan-Lori Parks, etc.) without him.

12/5/05 23:44  
Blogger rrrrrrrachel said...

You know what? FUCK WILLIAM FAULKNER. That's right. FUCK that dude.

(I don't hate faulkner. i don't hate faulkner. i don't hate him. i don't!)

14/5/05 16:07  
Blogger solitaire said...

Frig, I haven't thought of a favourite white dude, except for the one I'm 'in like' with right now.

OH OH OH yeah that nigga Pierre Trudeau! Google him up. Former Canadian Prime Minister. I would have LOVED to interview him. Then he died. SHIMZ.

14/5/05 17:24  
Blogger deshi said...

deniro? wow. i'm right there with you. i loved him in 'heat'. when i first bought a vcr back in 1998 (yeah, i bloomed late) i rented every single one of his movies i could get my hands on before renting anything else!
i love bobby d. he's my main man.

14/5/05 19:19  
Blogger summer m. said...

@rrrrachel: uh musta read some faulkner lately. or maybe had a flashback. doesn't he just frustrate the shit outta you?

14/5/05 20:02  
Blogger rrrrrrrachel said...

I'm just sick of everybody being on his bra strap, as safire might say. And yeah, I think I have some post traumatic stress disorder associated with him.

14/5/05 22:03  
Blogger summer m. said...

@rachel: absolutely understandable. i've hidden my faulkner books. well, not really, but i want to.

15/5/05 11:05  

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