Monday, May 23, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

chappelle says, 'it's back to africa, bitches'

dave chappelle is not crazy. at least, that's what he says. after much media speculation concerning the reason for the latest stoppage of the taping of the third season of the highly popular, chappelle's show, chappelle broke his silence concerning rumors that he'd had a nervous breakdown and had gone to south africa for treatment.

'i pulled a flintstone,' he told time magazine. meaning, he needed to take a respite from the demands of his immense fame and popularity. reportedly, chappelle is in south africa with a friend on a spiritual retreat. but fecundmellow caught up with chappelle, and it seems that he's up to much more than that.

so dave, production has yet again stopped on chappelle's show, and you've been in south africa for a while, now. what have you been up to?
like i said before, i ain't crazy, and i ain't smoking crack. i'm in south africa looking for land. with the 50 million i got from the show, i'm gonna buy some ships and some land. we going back to africa, bitches.

who's going back to africa?
black folks. me and you. ethiopia shall stretch forth her wings, nigga. the united states ain't meant for black folks, so i'ma make a way for us to go back. it's gonna be the shit, nigga. beautiful, baby. i'm talking kingdom of zamunda. it's hotter than a muthafucka here, though.

like on some marcus garvey shit?
hell yeah.

and you ain't crazy?

and you ain't smokin'?

hell naw. 'cept this weed. it's some good shit. me and my boy was smoking the other day and it all came together. the black man got to stay black. so we gon' get some ships and shit, and go back to africa.

and you ain't crazy?
naw, bitch damn. how come when bono and oprah went to africa they got a big ass welcome like she had just given birth to simba or some shit, but a nigga come to africa and he got to be crazy?

touche. but dave, what about your wife and children? your wife is asian and your children are biracial. can they go (back) to africa, too?
hell no. it was a moment of weakness. i had succumbed to fetishizing the asian body and shit. i see the error of my ways. besides, the older one thinks nick cannon is hila(aaaa)rious, and i think the younger one look a litle like wesley snipes.** right now, i'm just interested in building with my niggas, and restoring the black man to his glorious past. i got some hebrews building me pyramids right now. i need a beautiful black woman, you feel me? you wouldn't happen to have queen latifah's number, would you?

naw, dog. she kinda mad at me from the last time we talked.
oh word. i read that shit. it was kinda fucked up.

you wanna hit this? [hands me a joint]
no thanks, dave. i think i'll pass.

**wesley snipes allegedly only dates asian women.

btw, all ask fecundmellow questions will be answered manana.

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger Jdid said...

lol, dave is going to spread that wealth. zamunda here we come

23/5/05 16:10  
Blogger mwilli said...

Where do you come up with these? ...oh I guess that would be under the ask me no questions blog, anyway you are so funny and clever and witty. I am like so jealous.

24/5/05 01:42  
Blogger Morcy said...

Dave's repeated reference to "ships" is the shore sign that he's high, and we shouldn't trust this Zamunda business. I think he's a little tingly off imagining "the royal penis is clean."

Anyway, instead of going back to Africa, perhaps Dave might be interested in the Freedom Ship?

24/5/05 14:21  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how come so many black dudes like asian chicks?

24/5/05 14:44  

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