(start a rumor monday...)
tuesday 31.may.2005: TOP STORIES FROM THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND
letourneau says: 'tom paid for our honeymoon'
after marrying her former student, mary kay letourneau and her new hubby, vili fualaau, will honeymoon on the dime of hollywood hunk, tom cruise. it seems that the war of the worlds star heard about the financial difficulties surrounding the letourneau/fualaau marriage, and decided to follow in the footsteps of michael jackson and r. kelly and help out by giving them an all-expense paid honeymoon to australia. sources close to cruise believe his generosity can be traced to his own highly publicized relationship with katie holmes (he's 42, she's 26). cruise has been as giddy as a school-boy during recent televised interviews where he has promoted his new movie, pretended scientology is a religion, and tried to convince the american public that he's not really gay but in fact 'in love' with the 26-year-old he's been dating for three weeks.
though cruise did not come with holmes to the wedding, he did show up....with dakota fanning.
*in best maury voice* 'anikan, you are NOT the father'
moviegoers were surprised to see an alternate ending to the final installment of the star wars saga, episode iii-revenge of the sith. along with witnessing anakin become the now legendary villain, darth vader, star wars geeks across the country were verklempt once they watched padme (**spoiler alert**) admit to anakin that she was not sure if he was the father of her soon-to-be-born baby (luke skywalker). in a maury povich show-esque manner, padme (played by natalie portman) revealed that anakin's wasn't the only light saber she'd been fucking with--literally.
though yoda has been eliminated from the pool of possible baby daddies, mace windu (samuel l. jackson), and jar jar binks (some embarrassment to 'the race') are still possible fathers. apparently padme fucks with the dark side of the force--literally.
oh, and to answer all the emails: that is not the new pope playing darth sidious.
eh. i could be wrong.
beyonce: 'daddy cheated me!'
though it still remains unofficial, rumor has it that beyonce knowles has fired her father, mathew knowles for cheating on her, i mean, her mother, tina knowles. (see saf's blog for further details).
in an unrelated note, kelly rowland is pregnant.
oh, and, some white dude won the indy 500. i'm pretty sure that's not a rumor.
language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison