Tuesday, May 31, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

tuesday 31.may.2005: TOP STORIES FROM THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND

letourneau says: 'tom paid for our honeymoon'
after marrying her former student, mary kay letourneau and her new hubby, vili fualaau, will honeymoon on the dime of hollywood hunk, tom cruise. it seems that the war of the worlds star heard about the financial difficulties surrounding the letourneau/fualaau marriage, and decided to follow in the footsteps of michael jackson and r. kelly and help out by giving them an all-expense paid honeymoon to australia. sources close to cruise believe his generosity can be traced to his own highly publicized relationship with katie holmes (he's 42, she's 26). cruise has been as giddy as a school-boy during recent televised interviews where he has promoted his new movie, pretended scientology is a religion, and tried to convince the american public that he's not really gay but in fact 'in love' with the 26-year-old he's been dating for three weeks.

though cruise did not come with holmes to the wedding, he did show up....with dakota fanning.

*in best maury voice* 'anikan, you are NOT the father'
moviegoers were surprised to see an alternate ending to the final installment of the star wars saga, episode iii-revenge of the sith. along with witnessing anakin become the now legendary villain, darth vader, star wars geeks across the country were verklempt once they watched padme (**spoiler alert**) admit to anakin that she was not sure if he was the father of her soon-to-be-born baby (luke skywalker). in a maury povich show-esque manner, padme (played by natalie portman) revealed that anakin's wasn't the only light saber she'd been fucking with--literally.

though yoda has been eliminated from the pool of possible baby daddies, mace windu (samuel l. jackson), and jar jar binks (some embarrassment to 'the race') are still possible fathers. apparently padme fucks with the dark side of the force--literally.

oh, and to answer all the emails: that is not the new pope playing darth sidious.

eh. i could be wrong.

beyonce: 'daddy cheated me!'
though it still remains unofficial, rumor has it that beyonce knowles has fired her father, mathew knowles for cheating on her, i mean, her mother, tina knowles. (see saf's blog for further details).







in an unrelated note, kelly rowland is pregnant.



oh, and, some white dude won the indy 500. i'm pretty sure that's not a rumor.


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

9 Comments:

Blogger Phoenix said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

31/5/05 22:26  
Blogger Phoenix said...

i don't even know you but i got an insta-crush cuz your blog plays "scar tissue," one of my favorite songs ever. thanks man. thanks a lot for all the good times. peace

31/5/05 22:27  
Blogger Jdid said...

that damn padme, she was too timing anakin with jar jar. imagine the ridule dude was getting from the other jedis. yoda be all like 'baby resemble do not you'. no wonder anakin changed his name and started wearing a mask

1/6/05 09:00  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

Classic!! And Darth Sidius DOES look like the new Pope... that's pretty scary... are Catholics on the way to the Dark Side?

1/6/05 10:40  
Blogger mwilli said...

Okay first of all when is Tom Cruise gonna find somebody his own height. Why these women gotta be bending down to kiss him? and I think I am the only person in California who has not seen Star Wars, although back in the day I was Yoda for Halloween as a child so I must've liked it at one point. I'd rather see a more quality movie like Dave Chappelle's 2nd season on DVD. As for Beyonce and her daddy- I knew it was a matter of time. Drama. Kelly is what?? Now that just shattered my wholesome image of her and I am happy for white dude who won indy 500. wish it was the white girl danicka but whateva.

1/6/05 12:19  
Blogger summer m. said...

@me: whatever it takes for somebody to have a crush on me (and/or my internet persona) is all right with me. thanx for stopping by.

@mwilli: i just made up that kelly rowland shit. who is danicka?

1/6/05 12:27  
Blogger Rob said...

I heard a rumor long ago that a possible storyline for why Anakin was driven to the Dark Side of the Force was an affair he discovered between Padme and Obi-Wan. Guess Lucas may have explored this a bit, though the story as is in "Sith" is fine as it is. Yes, by the way, I'm a "Star Wars" fan, and rated "Sith" as the second best of the six SW movies (I'm still partial to "Empire Strikes Back").

If you haven't seen it, it's no secret all the Jedi are killed except Obi-Wan and Yoda (they were, of course, in Episodes IV-VI in one way or another), but the best "going out" scene had to be Master Windu, who came pretty close to ending Palpatine's reign. For someone who volunteered to be a walk-on extra just to be in Star Wars, SLJ got a huge role (Mace Windu was one of the first Jedi Masters that Lucas wrote of in his initial creation of the Star Wars universe, and was nearly the mentor/trainer for Luke instead of Yoda...)

2/6/05 00:39  
Blogger summer m. said...

@rob: i've seen maybe 2 star wars movies. i mean, what can i say? the first one was back in 1977, and i wasn't even born yet.

instead, i fuck with the back to the future trilogy and indiana jones.

i'm glad the rumor i made up wasn't too far-fetched.

2/6/05 04:04  
Blogger Rob said...

:) I saw all Star Wars movies on their opening day in theaters...including the one in 1977 (I was 8 1/2 at the time).

As to BTTF and Indy Jones...love 'em. Being a high school student in the 80's (class of '87), "Back To The Future" makes a lot of sense to me :)

2/6/05 10:42  

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