Monday, August 22, 2005

(start a rumor monday...)

news briefs

kanye says, 'my mama made me a fa gay.'

during all eyes on kanye west, an the mtv interview to publicize his latest release, late registration, rapper, producer, video directer, etc., kanye west (known on this blog and others as, 'that nigga ye') pulled a louis farrakhan, and called for an end to homophobia and discrimination against gay people, especially in hip hop.

'everybody in hip hop discriminates against gay people,' west said during the interview with mtv's, sway. 'matter of fact, the exact opposite of the word "hip hop," i think, is gay...i wanna just come on tv, and just tell my rappers, tell my friends, "yo, stop it fam."

west did admit during the interview, however, that he wasn't always so open-minded. in fact, he claims that his homophobia stemmed from being a "mama's boy" all his life. he had this to say about growing up in chicago with his mother after his parents' divorce, 'it gets to the point that when you go to high school and you wasn't out in the streets like that, and you ain't have no father figure, or you wasn't around your father all the time, who you gonna act like? you gonna act like your mother. ... and then everybody in high school be like, "yo, you actin' like a f--. dog, you gay?" and i used to deal with that when i was in high school.' he went on, 'and what happened was it made me kind of homophobic, 'cause i would go back and question myself, like, "damn, why does everyone else walk like this, and i walk like this?"'

west claimed that he searched for masculine role models and distanced himself from other gay people to 'prove' his heterosexuality, going as far as discriminating against people he thought were gay. that was until he was told that one of his cousins was gay. he admitted to sway, '[
but then] my cousin told me that another one of my cousins was gay, and i loved him, he's one of my favorite cousins. and at that point it was kind of like a turning point when i was like, "yo, this my cousin, i love him and i been discriminating against gays."'

west's 'acceptance' of the gay lifestyle was made evident when sway asked if his angry behavior after an unnamed awards show was the result of him not winning an award, or being 'robbed' (again), '
i was really more upset that you couldn't actually see my outfit on the show. i had this dope-ass, pink-and-brown outfit.'

n.b., or, this is where the rumor starts: through careful research and conversations with other bloggers (shout out ali), it has been determined that along with meaning homie, or anonymous sexual partner, the term cousin is also a euphemism for one's penis. you may therefore substitute 'my dick' for cousin in the above quote to get a clearer picture of what west is saying.

in a related note, we at fecundmellow are still trying to determine whether or not west's metal jaw affects his, uh, performance. in other words, john legend's camp did not return our phone calls.

other news

angelina uses coupon, adopts two more children

just weeks after announcing that she'd adopted an ethiopian girl, angelina jolie welcomed two more additions to her 'rainbow tribe' over the weekend. it seems the starlet got a two-for-one deal at the adoption grocery store. jolie turned her adoption endeavors stateside and has decided to play mommy to six-month old african american girls born in oakland, ca. in february.

'it's no secret that african american children are less expensive to adopt than children of other races,' jolie's publicist said during a statement. 'you could call it a buy one get one free sort of deal, but we really think that saying such things would put a price on these adorable little girls. and everybody knows that money and how much things cost only matters to people who don't have it.'

following the lead of cambodia, who recently honored jolie by giving her citizenship, the mayor of oakland gave her a key to the city, an honorary ghetto pass, and an 'i'm white and i just adopted a black kid' starter kit, which included a hot comb, blue magic hair grease, cocoa butter, a lifteime supply of vaseline, and a telephone with several black hairstylists' numbers on speed dial.

jolie's publicist added that the tabloid favorite will take custody of her half-year-old girls at the end of august. she added, 'they have their mother's lips.'

jolie accepted her award via satellite. she was in antarctica adopting a penguin.

ncaa bans offensive mascots...but not until 2008

the ncaa has decided to ban all mascots deemed offensive in all competitions sponsored by the association beginning in 2008. this ban includes the florida state seminole, and the university of illinois' chief illiniwek, pictured left.

the ban also requires that offensive images be removed from all uniforms including those of players and cheerleaders.

'i believe the ncaa is doing the right thing. this is both a personal and professional victory for me, as my great-great-great grandmother was a cherokee princess,' one ncaa official said during a press conference late last week. 'it is our hope that waiting 3 years to enforce the ban will not only give colleges and universities time to correct their uniforms and half-time activities, but there is also the possibility that just maybe all the remaining indians will be dead by then. now if you'll excuse me, there's a black jack table with my name on it at the seminole casino immokalee. how.'

if the ban does actually go into affect, florida state university's board of trustees has already accepted a new mascot. if the school must abandon the seminole name, as of 2008 they will be known as the florida state jivin' sambos. memin pinguin will be their new mascot.

this is just a kind and gentle reminder that you can vote as often as you like for your favorite black weblogs. and, no, you don't have to be black to vote; you just gotta be black to be nominated. kinda like running for the u.s. presidency. only in reverse.

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger Amadeo said...

I think Angelina Jolie is trying to create an army to take over the world. A war of attrition won by adoption.

22/8/05 13:39  
Blogger Jdid said...

lol, love the kanye one. john legend and kanye lol classic.

22/8/05 14:31  
Blogger RoRicka said...

doesn't making a diamond with your hands like that mean pussy, or vagina (or some slang word for it) in american sign language? er...

this whole post made me laugh for entirely too long while i was at work.

22/8/05 22:34  
Blogger Lee said...

if the school must abandon the seminole name, as of 2008 they will be known as the florida state jivin' sambos. memin pinguin will be their new mascot.

Okay, Summer, seriously: you owe me for the coffee I spit out when I read this this morning, and for the keyboard ruined by this coffee (how am I typing this, you ask? Well, aren't we full of questions).

Anyway, their web site appears to be dead now, but a couple years ago, a group of mostly latino and native American students at Northern Colorado U formed an intramural basketball team called the "Fighting Whites." Their logo was an overweight white guy in a polo shirt with the caption "everything's gonna be all white." They made t-shirts and everything. In any case, "Jivin' Sambos" is the funniest thing I've heard on this topic since then.

By the way, a student in one of my rhetoric classes at Illinois, once, compared Chief Illiniwek to Purdue's mascot, saying that the boilermaker could be offensive to working class people. That, too, was pretty damn hilarious.

22/8/05 22:44  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Summer, this is correspondent Harold Gibson, in an action to take place in the Fall of 2006, the regents of the University of Utah have voted to abandon the Utes, their long time indian mascot name, for a name that reflects and broadens the diversity of the state of Utah.

Yes that's right, the team mascot for the University of Utah will be none other than that long time icon of rice, Uncle Ben.

It seems that it is a little known black history fact, but the model for rice boxes world wide was the first black mormon born in the state of Utah.

Although his mother and father and he himself died before blacks were allowed into heaven, the regents of the university want to acknowledge that black people have been born and do indeed live in Utah.

The team name will be the Raging Uncle Bens or the RUBs.

I'm Harold Gibson reporting live for Fecundmellow in Salt Lake City.

22/8/05 23:01  
Blogger summer m. said...

@amadeo: angelina could still get it, though. from me, at least.

@jdid: stank you smelly much.

@roricka: damn. you know sign language, too?

@lee: i won't buy you a new keyboard, but next time i catch you at the classics cafe, i'll get you some coffee.

my bad.

good to know my rumors are back on course. i thought i'd dropped the ball a little. caving under the pressure of my nomination(s) i guess.

@harold: you know this is an unpaid intership, right?

22/8/05 23:09  
Blogger Lee said...

It's a deal. Seriously. You're buying me coffee.

On the other hand, I just read your blogger profile for the first time (I know) and see that you list as "favorite movies" both Jackie Brown and Far From Heaven. Just for that, I'm buying you coffee.

23/8/05 00:14  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Aw Hell to the Naw

23/8/05 01:15  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

Summer, this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time... I didn't spit out my coffee laughing so hard, but I almost did... and that would be bad considering this ain't my keyboard (I'm at work) and I probably shouldn't be on the net... but I am...

Whatever... the Kanye one is priceless, and Angelina with the coupons and the "I Just Adopted A Black Kid" Starter Kit, I swear I don't know where this comes from...

I've voted for you I don't know how many times...

23/8/05 08:24  
Blogger RoRicka said...

harold gibson, i love you for this comment. AWESOME.

23/8/05 10:21  
Blogger summer m. said...

@lee: my fave movie quote of all time is the moment in jb when ordell tells jackie she prolly needs nigga repellant to keep men off of her at the bar.

nigga repellant? that is genius.

and ffh is just a beautiful movie.

@miss jessi: thanx for rocking the vote.

23/8/05 11:04  
Blogger Morcy said...

Harold: did you know that rice boxes, in turn, were the inspiration for the shape of the state of Utah?

23/8/05 11:18  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

roricka: you are a great-ass young lady who rocks(anybody that loves anything my old-ass does has too!) Your blog is so funny-ass you need to let the rest of us lame-ass wannabe gangstas have fun with you.

morcy:Thanks for making that old cliche true Ya Learn sumthin new everyday.

Summer: Your blog is friggin-ass community bulletin board, and by the way Angelina told me to tell you that she got yo coupons and that them lips is all natural.

23/8/05 12:29  
Blogger Phoenix said...

although the entire thing is hillarious, my favorite part is the part about the presidency. haha!

23/8/05 14:40  
Blogger a. said...

John Legend looks maaaaaaaaaaaaad gay in the Gold Digger video (the scene where he's hugging the girl). I couldn't stomach the mtv interview. Sway's questions were dumb, while Kanye's responses were dumber

23/8/05 16:21  
Blogger mytruth said...

Interesting blog..I try to come back. New reader

24/8/05 00:43  
Anonymous ~eLLe~ said...

whaaaaaaat??? say it aint so summer! if angelina has 2 MORE 6-month olds, how in the HELL is she gonna take care of my little zahara?? *sigh*

24/8/05 08:12  
Blogger summer m. said...

@phoenix: thanx. hope those beats work for you.

@a: haven't seen the 'gold digger video'. and if sway isn't one of the bigger idiots on mtv, i don't know who is.

@mytruth: welcome.

@elle: it's only so if you believe my bullshit.

24/8/05 09:56  
Blogger Phoenix said...

on the subject of the beats, still couldn't figure it out...any other ideas?

24/8/05 13:51  
Blogger a. said...

Sway stumbles over words as bad, if not worse than Puffy...on second thought, Puffy is the worst (his shiny ass lips and protruding teef get on my effin nerves)!

24/8/05 15:39  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you a damn fool!

25/8/05 00:10  
Blogger summer m. said...

@a: who in the hell decided that diddy should host the mtv awards?

25/8/05 00:16  
Blogger a. said...

It's just not right that after all this time, dude still can't speak well.

25/8/05 20:50  
Blogger Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

*DEAD from laughing! you did beats for phoenix? i *know* a technologically inept woman that could use your forrealz tho!

27/8/05 12:18  
Blogger summer m. said...

@kilimajaro: i didn't do any beats for phoenix. and by do i mean, like create some. i just helped her get music on her blog. email me directly if you want the info.

27/8/05 12:21  

Post a Comment

<< Home