Monday, January 16, 2006

start a rumor monday: company in trouble over king day sale**


"you'll definitely have a dream tonight." because of this statement, the mattress factory is in hot water. the local bedding chain has come under criticism for its most recent sales pitch to consumers. a series of commercial advertisements that had been running in the atlanta, ga area during late-nite and daytime television shows have now been pulled. owners of the mattress factory, located on peachtree (just passed the waffle house), were confronted with a barrage of emails and phone calls when 30-second spots for the "martin luther king i have a dream mattress sale" were seen by african american television viewers in the greater atlanta area.

the sale, which offered 30% discounts on items in the mattress factory's entire inventory and 6-month same as cash on bedroom sets, was set to run from saturday, january 14 through january 16, the official king holiday. that was until a group of protestors began picketing the mattress factory late saturday afternoon. a member of the group spoke to the media, "how could someone deliberately violate the sanctity of dr. king's birthday by holding a mattress sale? this is completely and utterly ridiculous. we did not fight for a national king celebration for no interest until july 2007. we are appalled."

though seemingly unaware of why protestors were so upset, owners of the mattress factory immediately apologized in a press statement. part of which read: we offer our sincerest apologies to those who were offended by the i have a dream mattress sale. like president's day, we understood the martin luther king jr. holiday to be an opportunity to offer customers dynamic and unbeatable deals on the top names in bedding including sealy, serta, and the sleep number bed. unfortunately, we were extremely misguided in our decision-making. [...]we regret our insensitivity.

despite the mattress factory's public "i'm sorry," protestors we not immediately satisfied, and did not leave the premises once the statement was made, and the "have a dream today," banner was removed from the front entrance of the store. "i hate to sound glib," one protestor said, "but they've made their bed, and now we're their biggest nightmare." other protestors responded to this rebel call by cheering and chanting "no justice, no peace." order was restored soon after, however, when the verklempt store manager offered free delivery (along with the above mentioned 30% discount) to protestors willing to leave the premises immediately. to date, the mattress factory sold more mattresses that day than they have all year.

in response to the question of whether or not protestors had sold out by accepting the free delivery, one agitator simply said, "hey, man. a deal's a deal."

in other news, filene's representatives vehemently deny deliberately scheduling their annual white sale today in order to play some kind of sick joke. either way, they have some great prices on bath towels and egyptian cotton sheets. get in where you fit in, playa.

prior mlk musings:

king day rumor 2005

and...
**the real inspiration for this year's king day rumor

plus...
my mother on mlk and black people

and don't forget...
bernice king trippin' (um, i think she might have the gay)


later this week: why i ain't blog last week.


language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison

7 Comments:

Blogger Phoenix said...

this is grrreat. i think it might be wise of you to add an addendum about my mlk day experiences cuz that was a hsm (hotshittymess).

and...i can't believe you put the whole 'nic'name on the roll call. good lookin' play. you're stackin' chips like the hustlers in juice.

16/1/06 20:26  
Blogger **RPM** said...

this post was absolutely brilliant.

16/1/06 22:44  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Summer where the hell do you come up with this shit? You are some sort of comic genius ya know? Damn yo ass should be writing for a living, if you aren't already! Love the rumor.

bunny

16/1/06 23:58  
Blogger Alii said...

what you know about that Filenes? i thought it was purely a northeastern thing.

17/1/06 10:43  
Blogger Amadeo said...

I keep hearing MLK on the Boondocks..."I really should have some say over this."

18/1/06 10:59  
Blogger Safire said...

You should have figured out some way to slip the term "California King-size" into this shit. I know I'm not a comic genius like you and shit, but I think that could have taken this shit over the top.

19/1/06 11:08  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (breathe) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

22/1/06 14:11  

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