start a rumor monday...beginning of the year edition

small race riot breaks out during kwanzaa celebration

last night, during the closing ceremonies of a kwanzaa celebration at malcom x college, a fracas erupted when a small segment of attendees started singing christmas carols. according to witnesses, a small faction of students from another local school began causing a ruckus during the lighting of the last candle--representing imani, or faith.

"we tried to welcome them with open arms," said nia kitswana (nee rahnika jankins), president of the malcolm x college black student union. upset at recalling the incident, she doused her forehead with jamaican punch body spray to calm herself. "though my treausurer was suspicious when he saw the students arrive, i told him to go ahead and allow them to join in the festivities. according to the faq on the kwanzaa website, non-african peoples may be included in the celebration. they were all dressed in red, black, and green, and brought shaker baskets which, though not made by african peoples are handmade, nonetheless. so i thought it only right to include them. jambo!!"

though the event ended rather violently, things initially seemed to be going smoothly. the students participated in the various kwanzaa rituals, including doing a native tribal rain dance to the sounds of lionel richie's, "all night long." however, during the relighting of the other six candles (fire codes prevent the group from keeping the candles burning the entire week), the group--now sitting in the audience--started snickering, and making rude remarks.

"at first we thought we heard a cross between 'we shall overcome' and 'silent night'," one bystander said. "then for a minute or two, there was mostly silence, with just a little bit of laughing. finally, when nia went to light the imani candle, all of them started singing 'white christmas'. that's when shazza [(nee "you better call" tyrone washington), nia jankins' boyfriend
sun, and vice president of the student union] took off his kufi, jumped off stage and ran towards them. at first the group looked stunned. i guess they didn't see that shazza had on timberlands with his dashiki pants set."

"it just goes to show that the so-called black man cannot have anything for himself in this land of the so-called white man," baraka preached to a crowd of black student union members. "here we are attempting to peacefully celebrate the glorious and rich past that is our african heritage! and the so-called white man wants to throw christmas in our faces. he wants to disrespect me and my orange moon. we don't worship the so-called birth of the so-called blue eyed jesus! we don't honor the so-called kris kringle more popularly known as santa claus. when they try to feed us the matrialism of this racist society we call the new world under the guise of holiday cheer we say stop! so-called white man. i and i will not eat what you are trying to FEED me! i and i will honor my ancestors for seven days and seven nights! and what does he do? what does he do? he infiltrates our ceremony and makes it profane. he puts crown royal in the umoja cup! and what else does he do? he sings "white christmas" the most racist christmas carol of them all. tell me, bing crosby! i need you to tell me. why must you dream of a white christmas! must it be a white christmas? must it be a white christmas? why can't it be a black christmas? i want a black christmas!"

though none of the alleged kwanzaa offenders were caught, most witnesses confirmed that none of them were white. tyrone washington is waiting to be arraigned.

if charged, this will be his second strike.