Monday, December 19, 2005

start a rumor monday...

jesus: the interview

last week, fecundmellow was able to catch up with the ever elusive santa claus and get a pretty nice interview. now, just less than a week before the celebration of his birthday, we were able to hang out with the homeboy, hey-seuss. he is the reason for the season, you know.

fecundmellow: mr. christ, before we begin, i'd just like to say happy birthday.
jc: daddy bless thee. feel free to call me baby jeezy.

fecundmellow: baby jeezy?
jc: christ the savior is born.

fecundmellow: he is risen, nigga.
jc: wordeth.

fecundmellow: tell me about this new name, baby jeezy.
jc: a new incarnation, if you will. sort of like diddy, dig? i'll reveal my new name officially when my album drops.

fecundmellow: tell us about that.
jc: it's a 5 mic-er, i doubteth not. it's called ready to die.

fecundmellow: an homage to biggie?
jc: no, an homage to me.

fecundmellow: but already? i mean, your debut was released just this last spring. is the public ready for a follow-up so soon?
jc: one must always be ready for my second coming. the material on this album was too hot to sit on. besides, it's the holiday season, and much of what i'm spitting is inspired by that.

fecundmellow: how so?
jc: most of the tracks are sampled from holiday songs and what not. plus, dem wisemen did most of the production. their production is more blessed than the meek. 'specially the frankincense and myrrh remix of 'what child is this?' shit is bananas (comma) yo. but we really needed to push the album release date up due to leaks on the internet and whatnot.

fecundmellow: is that mary magdalene singing the hook on 'o holy night'?

[temporary intern spills coffee on her lap] jesus!

jc: yes?

intern: oh, my bad.

fecundmellow: [sighs] last week i talked to santa claus. and off the record, he told me he had a lot of love and respect for you. despite that, the publik paints a picture of the two of you beefing. do you have any response to that?
jc: claus is my nigga. we different, but we got similar struggles, dig? folks forget about us for most of the year; folks believe in us, but have never seen us; and, most people think we're white. so that whole beef thing, you know, it's bogus. the publik, the media created it. i mostly got beef with these rappers, you know--and not because of the jesus pieces. nigs be trying to cop my shit like i ain't looking. take eminem. my crew is the original d-12, and that nigga act like he ain't know. feel me?

fecundmellow: i feel you. any chance you drop a freestyle for us before we end this interview, baby jeezy?
jc: word up.
yuh yo/yo/yo...
when drummer boy drops the beat/it's game over/
recognize real, nigga/i'm the true j-hova

moreover/me and the saints march like straight soldiers/
believe in me/live eternally/playa i told ya/
us manger niggas we bolder/
ice we rock be colder/
weight of the world we shoulder/
we play hands and never fold (unh)/
streets is paved with gold (unh)/
i and i will save your soul (unh)/
greatest story ever told (unh)/
b-jeez, nigga...

fecundmellow: word up. that shit was dylan, son!**
jc: father and holy spirit. [gives summer m. a pound.]

*dylan: hot like fiyah. (yeah, like making the band 2 and chappelle's show. if you need more help than that, ask nick.)

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger Jdid said...

spit fire lol!
nice post

19/12/05 04:43  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i will cut you.. this is so sacrilegious and ridiculous. i gotta print this ish out and take it to work and laugh. noddin my head.. this day started on a good note.

thanks mis mellow


19/12/05 09:41  
Blogger Amadeo said...

Baby Jeezy, Hells Yeah! He been doin' it since back in the day.

BTW...Here's some more ammo against oprah

19/12/05 11:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This shit is fucking HILARIOUS (comma) yo. Makes me want to get in the studio and do that Moist Panties shit. Now, you wanna talk about some shit being dylan (b/t/w like how you flipped that)...

20/12/05 10:42  
Blogger Miss Jessi said...


That was so damn funny I got people looking at me crazy cuz I just broke out laughing... The Original J-Hova...

I love it!

20/12/05 10:57  
Blogger summer m. said...

@jdiddy: thanx. and for the record, i'm baby jeez's ghostwriter.

@disonechik: long time no comment. i thought you disappeared. for the record, several days ago i might've been offended at the idea of you cutting me, but i'm hip to some cali slang, so thanks.

@amadeo: thanx for the link (comma) yo. that shit is crazy.

@saf: hell yeah. i was telling phoenix about m.p. the other day. she wasn't that hype, but i got mad excited off that shit. we should def do that shit once we blow up. by then we'll have carte blanche to be as ridiculouso as we want.

btw, we should prolly quit advertising our dylan ideas on the internet. i'd hate to have to sue muhfuckas.

@miss jessi: word up. thanx, playa.

20/12/05 13:09  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Who the hell is the temporary intern. By the way, you know you gonna burn for this.

21/12/05 06:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Summer Dude,
Jezzy and claws they aint white..say it aint so..
White girl in R.I.

24/3/06 22:40  

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