Monday, December 05, 2005

start a rumor monday...

a look back at a year of lies

just a list of all the rumors i've started on this here blog. date, topic, followed by a lil blurb.
  1. 6. december. 2004. halle berry. the very first rumor, where i claim that catwoman admitted that perhaps she shouldn't have won an academy award for her role in monster's ball.
  2. 13. december. 2004. girl groups. i make believe that former members of destiny's child, en vogue, and 3lw join together and form the girl group, exmember.
  3. 3. january. 2005. usher. um...he "admits" that he's trying hard to be like mike. jackson, that it.
  4. 10. january. 2005. ashlee simpson. she pulls a nation of islam (or a prince), and changes her name.
  5. 17. january. 2005. george dubya bush. in honor of dr. martin luther king jr. day, our president integrated his coffee.
  6. 31. january. 2005. black history month. it got moved to january. nobody knew.
  7. 7. february. 2005. the super bowl. the nfl was worried that it would have to acknowledge another black quarterback. fortunately, his team lost.
  8. 14. february. 2005. kanye take one. jesus relaces judas...with kanye west.
  9. 23. february.2005. mj trial. the show hollywood squares has to postpone taping b/c all of the stars are testifying in the michael jackson case. sounds wack, in know. but jay leno stole my joke.
  10. 28. february. 2005. the academy awards. oscar fills black quota by giving morgan freeman and jamie foxx awards.
  11. 7. march. 2005. bill cosby. he and other alleged sexual predator, r. kelly hook up and make a dvd.
  12. 14. march. 2005. halle berry, oprah winfrey. the two discuss their future cinematic projects. like a remake of imitation of life.
  13. 22. march. 2005. lil kim...michael jackson...white people. a news brief covering the trials of the queen bee and the gloved one, and steriods.
  14. 28. march. 2005. easter. basically: i'm going to hell for this one.
  15. 4. april. 2005. terry schiavo. her parents sue so that they can mourn longer than her husband.
  16. 11. april. 2005. queen latifah. she ain't really a queen.
  17. 18. april. 2005. kanye take two. throwing another tantrum for note winning the "best new pope" award.
  18. 25. april. 2005. the nation of islam and catholics. in response to folks in chicago thinking they saw the image of the virgin mary under an overpass (my exit!!!!), i say a member of the noi finds an image of the honorable elijah muhammed in his pork chop sammich.
  19. 9. may. 2005. mother's day. members of the congressional black caucus make the monday after mother's day, "yo' mama day." oh, and some other shit, too.
  20. 16. may. 2005. mary kay letourneau. r. kelly and michael jackson agree to be her wedding reception entertainment.
  21. 23. may. 2005. dave chappelle. he decided to start a back to africa movement.
  22. 31. may. 2005. more wars...beyonce. anikan is told he's not luke's father a la maury povich. and some other shit.
  23. 6. june. 2005. race. fda approves race changing surgery.
  24. 20. june. 2005. the jacksons. michael and jesse face off.
  25. 27. june. 2005. oprah. hermes. 'nough said.
  26. 6. july. 2005. the very first reader's choice. topics included: terry mcmillan's divorce, r. kelly's trapped in the closet, and tom cruise dissing snoop dogg and the bishop don juan.
  27. 11. july. 2005. george dubs bush. a confused el presidente nominates wynonna for the supreme court.
  28. 18. july. 2005. karl rove. karl rove tells on me.
  29. 25. july. 2005. ring tones. alarm systems provide ring tones for subscribers.
  30. 1. august. 2005. video games. objectionable material found in old skool, seemingly wholesome video games.
  31. 8. august. 2005. gwen stefani. that song, "holla back girl," got on my damn nerves. so i made a monkey sing it.
  32. 15. august. 2005. star jones, terry mcmillan. some anti-gay shit obviously.
  33. 22. august. 2005. kanye part three. more gay stuff.
  34. 29. august. 2005. kanye part four. gay stuff again.
  35. 5. september. 2005. black weblog awards. i lose my shit after losing.
  36. 19. september. 2005. curious george bush. i turn him into the emcee, "dub-ya."
  37. 26. september. 2005. hurricane katrina. the poor people of chicago flood their neighborhoods.
  38. 3. october. 2005. summer m. i pretend a reader doesn't think i'm gay enough.
  39. 10. october. 2005. christopher columbus. activists protest the celebration of columbus day.
  40. 17. october. 2005. the millions more march. dub-ya and bill bennett give us a play by play.
  41. 24. october. 2005. foxy brown. the shortest start a rumor ever.
  42. 31. october. 2005. the world series. fecundmellow takes a look at the chicago white sox' road to victory.
  43. 8. november. 2005. janet jackson. jermaine dupri, her alleged daughter, super bowl performances. we cover it all--except nipples.
  44. 14. november. 2005. summer m. i have a lover.
  45. 21. november. 2005. thanxgiving. celebs tell us why they're thankful.
  46. 28. november. 2005. start a rumor (we get meta). is this the end?

language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names. language alone is meditation. ~toni morrison


Blogger Nick Davis said...

My brother is a sports editor at USA Today, and after I sent it to him, your White Sox rumor made the rounds through the whole sportswriting department, and they LOVED it.

People would buy your book!!!

5/12/05 09:54  

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