fecundmellow

this weekend's essay: judge a book by its cover


the other day, i was watching my daily dose of golden girls. it was the episode where blanche decides to sell a mercedes, only it's not really her mercedes.** in fact, she rents the mercedes and advertises its sale in the newspaper in order to get more dates. she casually mentions that you can tell a lot by the way a man drives.

a while back, i mentioned that one of the the first things i notice is a person's shoes. i don't know what i can tell about a person by his/her shoes, but the shoes you had/have on when i first saw/see you always play an important role in the way i view you. in the comments section of that entry the always eloquent saf broke down the shoe science,

A shoe is not just a cover for the foot... It is, at the very least, an indication of a person's taste or sense of aesthetics. It can also signify his or her financial situation, level of materialism, or even allegiance to a certain subculture. And you can usually tell if you're dealing with a person who values comfort over appearance or vice-versa, is comfortable with his or her height, or is casual or formal in his or her approach to life. Shoes are, like, signifiers of the sole.

For example, I only wears three-to-four inch heels unless I'm wearing sandals or flip-flops, of which I have approximately 20 pairs. W-T-F does that say about me? I have a fucking Napoleon complex, I'm lightweight hung up on appearing "sophisticated," I'm a bit of a compulsive shoe shopper, and I think that my fucking feet are cute.

See, the shit is a science.

so, you know, i was just wondering, if you had to complete the sentence, "you can tell a lot by a person if/by the way s/he _____," how would you fill in the blank? (you know, like what sonny tells calogero about women and car doors in a bronx tale.)

enjoy your weekend.

**will somebody tell me why rue mcclanahan (one of the greatest. names. ever.) was in the fighting temptations? not that i saw the movie. i was just wondering.

(and for the ladies out there obsessed with shoes, i rock {clean} sneaks like, e'ryday. mostly pumas, but also ponys or adidas maybe once e'ry two weeks. you know, fyi.)

snippets of a random conversation take 4



me: ...common. he's my all-time favorite emcee.

anonymous: common?

me: yeah, common. you heard his music?

anon: not really...but i like his aids commercials, though.

me: *dead...cracks the fuck up.*

(start a rumor monday...)
in 14 hundred and ninety-two, columbus sailed the ocean blue

a large segment of the american population is descending on washington d.c. today, and it's not to protest george "dub-ya" bush's latest act of cronyism. instead, activists have come to the nation's capital to protest the celebration of columbus day.

native americans, african americans, "pure" latinos, and people who have suffered from syphillis have united to form the forces united against celebrating killers and global expansion masked as "discovery" or f.u.c.k.e.d. for short. the coalition is in washington d.c. lobbying for the elimination of columbus day.

"we believe the recognition of christopher columbus' so-called 'discovery' of the new world is a perpetual disrespect to people of color and those who have suffered from the s.t.i., syphillis," one spokesperson said during a rally near the lincoln memorial. "we're here to let the president and other members of our government know that we are willing to fight until columbus day is removed from both our calendars and our colonized minds. we didn't land on plymouth rock! plymouth rock landed on us!"**

"columbus didn't land on plymouth rock you friggin' idiot," said someone from a crowd protesting the protesters. "i mean, it's not even a real, true blue holiday! sure, you get a white sale here and there, maybe no payments and no interest on a sectional until october 2008, but i still have to take my goddamn kids to school!" members of f.u.c.k.e.d. were undeterred by such verbal rage, however.

"it doesn't matter. they can protest our protest. but we will not rest until the second monday in october is no longer known as columbus day." this statement was met by cheers from the f.u.c.k.e.d. crowd.

though most of the f.u.c.k.e.d. coalition wants to simply refer to it as just another manic monday, certain radicals in the group want to rename the the second monday in october. instead of columbus day, a small faction of f.u.c.k.e.d. wants to change the name of the holiday from "columbus day," to "we wish the world had been flat that day day." though these members of f.u.c.k.e.d. have yet to garner major support within the group, news of their proposed renaming of the holiday did reach the president. he mentioned members of f.u.c.k.e.d. after saying the following about harriet miers, his most recent nominee to the supreme court.**

"with my reelection last november, i earned political capital, and i intend to spend it, and right now, i'm spending it up on harriet miers, ya dig? the truth about my crony, she's a sweet ol' girl," dub-ya said. "about the sweetest little girl in the whole wide world. and i'm sure the rest of the united states will soon see what i mean. harriet miers is my crony and my crony is so right. i think she'll be a justice for the rest of her life."** dub-ya concluded, "and tell those f.u.c.k.e.d. people to go screw themselves. it's dub-ya and i'm out this bitch. 5000."

in a seemingly unrelated note, el presidente is heading back to the gulf coast to mingle with the poor black folk for the eighth time since hurricane katrina hit.

notes (or, as nick likes to call them, cliffs notes for white people):
**"we didn't land on plymouth rock..." a line from the spike lee joint, malcolm x.
**"the truth about my crony..." is a swipe from the song, "roni," performed by my main nig, bobby beresford brown.

this weekend's essay: shit that bothers you (that prolly shouldn't, but does anyway) take ii, or, reader appreciation day.


last week, i got an email from my oldest friend, shon. we go way back. like back to when i had a relaxer and a boyfriend. she started reading my blog last month maybe, and asked,

Sum,

On your website, do you ever have days where you allow people to gripe on
misc. topics? I mean I got some shit that I need to get off of my chest...

this entry is for shon and the rest of y'all. understanding that you all--for whatever reason--listen to me bitchbitchbitch all the time, i wanna give ya the opportunity to vent your frustrations again. y'all really took advantage of the comments section the last time, i assume you'll do the same for this one.

i was able to come up with a few more of my own:

• people who don't turn off their turn signals.i've no idea why, but this bothers me more than rush hour traffic on the kennedy. i swear to you, last saturday, a woman in one of those space ship minivans (illinois license plate number: 350 XXXX) kept her turn signal on for more than 12 chicago blocks (which, i believe, is about 1.5 miles). it was prolly on longer, but eventually i turned left; she just kept faking me out like she was going to.
  
• profit driven aid.i listen to the radio a lot, and sometimes when i channel surf, i hear this commercial about some buick dealership in the suburbs. basically, the owner is offering a percentage of her profits from every new 2006 ride she sells between now and the end of the month or something to hurricane katrina victims. now, this isn't new. but the reason this particular commercial bothers me is because after she explains the deal, she goes on to say how she knows that it's most important that we give, but if you're in the market for a car blahblahblah. look, man, i know we live in a capitalist (racist, sexist, ___ist, ___ist) society, but why must helping people always be profit driven (why do these business owners front like they're still not trying to make a dollar)? why does it seem that i have to buy something to give something?
  
• indirectness. i don't have time to read between the lines, nigga. that's my day job. just say, "(i wanna) fuck you, summer," so i can move on. and if i just assume some shit, and get it wrong, don't say shit to me. i'm not in the bidness of reading minds.
  
• songs about mamas. i'm going to hell for this, i know. now don't get me wrong, i have the same unhealthy love for my mama as the next black kid, but songs about mamas are inherently corny. yeah, i said it.

vent.

i used to work at footlocker, they fired me and fronted, or...

the puma cabana racer "sum 69s"

okokok. first off, i wanna give a shout out to my homegyrl, deshi for providing a wonderful, albeit not so sober second opinion regarding color and material selection. second, i gotta give propers where propers are due. if you haven't noticed...big.blk.saf. has a knack for coining terms and giving folks nicknames. and, anybody who knows me long enough doesn't really call me summer. generally folks call me sum, sum-sum, whatever, and it's cool. (just don't call me collect.) saf took my name and remixed it. first it was sum 41 (yeah, like the rock band), but she flipped it to sum 69...the name has nothing to do with me; it's just saf's dirty mind. but yeah, that's how the kix got made and named.

anyway...here are the one and only sum 69s (because i know how badly you wanna see them):

the colors are navy blue, baby blue, orange, and silver...










thank you for supporting my self-centeredness and materialism.

that is all.